TODAY’S DOSE OF UNPROVOKED HUMOR FROM THE SL ENQUIRER -AN INDECENT PROPOSAL GONE BAD- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

 

March 28, 2022- Many times the SL Enquirer gets approached by the most outrageous avies. Most of the time it is a simple “block and moves on” tactic but I figured I’d share a sample of the shenanigans…..You can’t make this sh*t up.

Have you ever been just minding your own business in Second Life and you receive a random message from someone you don't know and it starts like this and then they end up offended and insult you for your reaction? 

[15:35] Jay Longfall: Hello there! I'm looking for roleplay. Let's say we're at your house you just finished shrinking my body to the size of six inches tall I'm staring up at you nervously and curiously. My clothes are still full size laying around me on the floor in a pile. This means I'm currently naked, we just came back from the bar. Describe what I see you wearing as I look up at you curiously. I'll pay you 50k if you roleplay with me.

[15:38] Lanai Jarrico: you do realize you contacted The SL Enquirer right?. Did you want to promote your kink in the newspaper or does your kink include a reporter? In that cause I probably would roll up a newspaper and pummel you to a pulp thinking you were a fly in the office.

[15:39] Jay Longfall: hehe, describe what I see you wearing as I look up at you curiously I'll pay you 100k if you roleplay with me and you are detailed

[15:40] Lanai Jarrico: How about you pay me 50k now and 50k after I complete the roleplay?

[15:41] Jay Longfall: well,  what do I see you wearing as I look up at you lanai?

[15:41] Lanai Jarrico: the bottom of my husband's shoe

[15:42] Jay Longfall: ok you're dumb

[15:42] Jay Longfall: blocked. 

[15:42] Lanai Jarrico: thank you.

If you or someone you know is into random IM kink, please contact Jay Longfall and tell em’ Lanai sent you.

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SLE POLICE REPORT- WHAT APPEARED TO BE A HAIRLESS SASQUATCH SPOTTED AT HYPNOTIC ROMANCE!

 

On Sunday, March 28th, 2022 at approximately 9:35 pm SLT what appeared to be an unidentified new species of hairless Sasquatch was spotted attempting to harass an innocent couple taking in the sights on a bridge at Hypnotic Romance. Startled witnesses nearby described it as a giant featherless emu ape-like crossbreed animal that moved around almost like it had a bad case of hemorrhoids.  As they watched flabbergasted and confused, the creature approach the unsuspecting couple flapping its arms wildly while twerking in some kind of mating call dance. The horrified pair stood there in shock not knowing what to do. Only equipped with what seemed to be a movie prop samurai sword, a fake chest tattoo, and wearing a visible hovering nametag  “beachboy945”, the creature looked lost and confused while continuously galloping in circles and grunting obscenely.

The gathering crowd of onlookers grew as they watched in disbelief while others sat on benches nearby eating popcorn. One witness said he has never seen something so unnatural in all his second life while another shouted the lord’s prayer believing this creature was not of this virtual world.  Karen was seen asking for a manager and dialing 911 while her husband Terry with 2 toddlers in tow whipped out his phone and dialed the SL fire department. A virtual wedding officiant was on the scene with an unidentified scantily clan female but refused to assist before covering his face with her purse and hastily walking away leaving it up to breedable animal control,  RP Hazmat, and a prostitute from the crack den.  Even a vampire clan was called to the scene but none of them could get close enough to detain the monster due to the heavy stench of Old Spice, garlic, and sour milk that permeated the air. Before it could be captured and subdued the ape-like creature scurried off into the nearby woods and escaped.

 If anyone sees this creature on the loose please do not approach. This animal is believed to be male but it was hard to tell if it was a belly button or a sexual organ. It is considered armed and extremely challenged in its abilities as a griefer for its failed attempt and should be put on every ban list across the grid for the safety of all avies, breedable pets, child avies, furries, and escorts. If you manage to take a snapshot showing their nametag, please caption it and submit it to the SL Enquirer for 1000L! (Reward goes to the first 5 griefer hunters)

Got a griefer incident to report? Contact The SL Enquirer!

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SLE POLICE REPORT- ROLE-PLAYING WITH FIRE

Second Life- On October 31st at approximately 6:25 pm SLT, it was reported that a Roleplay sim owner on the seedy side of the grid was arrested and charged with countless verbal assaults on women who do not heed to his romantic advances.  According to sources close to the SL Enquirer. Elrond Caudron AKA  “ChŘĭŠťƠÞĦë ΜċϜàΝčŸ was seen hanging out the bathroom window of his home hurling a barrage of insults and profanities while waving a British flag and claiming he was God’s gift to women. A crowd formed in the streets with many holding up their smartphones to record the incident.

 He could be heard yelling at a woman, “ Ignorance and ghosting are forms of emotional abuse and narcissism. I will not tolerate it. Women like YOU are undeserving of men like ME. Men who can do the things that I can, men who HAVE emotional depth and intelligence. The multitudes of creative brilliance I have? NO man on here even comes close. ALL men you encounter on here, from now on, are scum compared to me. You deserve men who are Neanderthals, men who are total wankers and have NOTHING to offer you. 

He went on to shout,  “You sound like a proper fat (BLEEP) in real life and you more than likely 100% ARE.  You're clearly an extremely bland individual and you have nothing to offer me at all. You probably have such low self esteem and worth that you consider yourself to be unworthy of men like me. And you most certainly are unworthy of men like me. Such a time wasting piece of (BLEEP). I have THREE sims with 60,000 prims so enjoy your (BLEEP) bit of land! I have multiple, incredible talents. I'm tall and handsome in RL. You're also annoying. So it's YOUR loss, it truly is”.

The unidentified woman he was insulting responded with, “Since you clearly don't have a clue and chose to verbally attack me like the emotional abuser you are, allow me to retort.  You call me ignorant, yet I have a college degree and am highly respected within my career.  You call me a narcissist, yet the exact definition of narcissist mirrors who you are.  In case you were curious here is what a narcissist is " a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves."  " Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement."  Sound familiar?  Well, it should.  As for me being "undeserving" of a "man" like you .....well you are right there.  I DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU”.  It’s sad that it took me three days to figure that out.  Such a waste of my valuable time, yes.  As for self esteem, who's the one going on and on about themselves and needs constant reassurance.  I know my own worth and what I will NOT TOLERATE.  I do not need to boast my values to any person.  If you're too "bland" to see them that is all you.  You have no sense of humor, you show no interest except in that of yourself.  You are arrogant and quite frankly a (BLEEP).  So, yes I chose not to speak with you.  Me being the tolerant, forgiving person I am I decided to give you a second chance, but yet you proved my point once again.  I don't take too fondly of being gaslighted.  Lastly, perceiving me as  "a proper fat (BLEEP)  irl" makes me laugh.  That's such a polite way to talk to women.  Way to go!!!! Does it make you feel more like a "man" to demeanor women?  I happen to be 5' 10" and very attractive irl. Although I am far from being vain, unlike you.  Don't believe me?  Don't really care.  One thing is for sure, you will never know.  You are not nor will you ever be God's gift to women.  Matter of fact all you did was once again go on and on about yourself. Have fun (BLEEPING) yourself with your PROPER TINY PENIS.  It more than likely 100% is.  You're also a boring (BLEEP).  Your loss though sweetheart.....truly.....your loss.  The monster inside you is indeed NOT DEAD.  If anything it has overcome you.  Something to think about as you move forward.  Well played keyboard warrior!

 And with all that said a fight broke out in the crowd when someone in a state of hysterical laughter agreed that he had a micropenis and that’s why his attempted relationships keep failing with women. 

A local nightclub owner identifying himself only as “Chocolate Star”, chimed in to dispute the false accusations leading to a glitter fight in the street. 

Witnesses were in shock as Christophe hopped off his toilet and ran outside while pulling up his pants and flashing everyone to continue his verbal rampage.  One witness said, perhaps he had a hemorrhoid flare-up and was acting out of pocket while another said she heard a rumor that he recently got ghosted by someone who made the right decision and he probably just snapped.

Known as a hothead and a master manipulator amongst the swinger and furry communities,  Christophe denies all accusations and threatened to call his public defender.

 Jack’s Law and Taco Shack could not be reached for comments.  

Upon further investigation into this situation more women have come forward for a total of 12 including, four furries, three tinies, two stripper bots, and a dragon. 

He was sentenced to 6 months of house arrest, 52 ½ hours of community service as the resident heevahava at Spanky’s Horse Ranch, 7 anger management classes, and had to donate 55,000L to “Women are the future” charity fund. 

Charges for indecent language and exposure near a public child avatar park are pending further investigation.

Other charges include a 2500L littering fine for glitter clean up, assault with a corn cob (investigation pending), animal abuse of a breedable cat he trampled while charging the crowd, lying on his Mcdonald’s resume, and claiming eight children not biologically related on last year’s taxes.

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SLE Police Report: SL Karen Strikes back at Terry's Place

 7/9/21- SLE Police Blotter

According to sources close to The SL Enquirer, an avatar by the name of Eliza Ca*ASSoun spends her time crying in IMz and forcing her opinions on others and breaking the only rule at this prestigious venue. "Don't be a D*ck".  Plain and simple. 

One innocent bystander reported the smell of Bengay and spoiled milk, another suspected halitosis.  Due to strict HIPAA laws we could not verify or deny these allegations however upon thrusting her emotional disputes upon happy concert-goers she disappeared without a trace.

One guest suggested she got recruited by a German Dungeon porn sim as a greeter and fluffer another said she got muted and banned across the board.

A warrant has been issued for her arrest and charges include chronic BO  with fines exceeding 5,000L.

If you seen or heard from this SL Karen, please keep your distance to avoid becoming Karen'd

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SLE Police Report: Linden Scammers hits multiple groups- Be on the look out for Cintia

SLE POLICE REPORT:

On 5/27/21 a one-day-old avatar by the name of Cintia has been joining random groups and sending out a group conference to members asking for lindens. 

With thousands of lindens being donated daily in Second life for good causes like Relay for Life ad other well known and legit organizations, hosts make sure the Lindens accumulated go to the cause giving donators a sense of contributing to the greater good of humanity. However,  residents had enough of the freeloaders of Second Life trying to get by on other avatars hard earn lindens. With an abundance of sex work available on the seedy side of town, some beggars don't want to get on their knees and backs for an honest SLiving. 

  Fortunately for the SLE, we witnessed the jobless vagabond first hand and would like to lend a hand. If anybody is looking for a cheap employee to give a chance to, Cintia is willing to work for 30L. Contact Cintia ad make them work for it.

 [17:35] Cintia (cintiatuga): good night, could someone help me with 30 lindens?

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SLE Police Report: Mommy HUD Shamed by a Karen in Second Life

SLE Police Blotter:1/3/2021

With high hopes for new beginnings many residents of Second Life are hopeful for a new year better than the last. Just three days in and Karen of SL aka Laylah - of course (laylahlongsigh90880)  strikes an unsuspecting baby momma just trying to attend a concert while minding her own dang business and celebrating the upcoming arrival of her prim baby.

What has this vast grid come to when an overly pregnant avie cannot get some healthy exercise and entertainment at a concert without a random IM to just be rude for no apparent reason. Shame on you Karen!

[19:06] Laylah - of course (laylahlongsigh90880) AKA MOMMY HUD SHAMING KAREN: your trimester baby needs its fingernails clipped.

[19:07] Laylah - of course (laylahlongsigh90880)AKA MOMMY HUD SHAMING KAREN: I blocked the thing once.

[19:07] Mommy to be: lol I'll do it in 2 days when she arrives :)

[19:08] Mommy to Be: is it bothering you?

[19:08] Laylah - of course (laylahlongsigh90880)AKA MOMMY HUD SHAMING KAREN: (busy response): Wait, what???  Are you talking to ME?  Small, narrow minds need to be blocked and go away.  Go away.   Just.  Go.  Away.  ZAPPP!

OK THEN.....GEEZ.

Great quote from her profile.

∞ A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes... and a sense of humor! Every time you're able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.

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BREAKING NEWS: Runaway Trolley hits the Lockhouse at Coeur de Bourgogne!

SLE Police Report: 12-22-2020

In the early hours of Dec 21st. It was reported by a stunned yet calmy poised Ayla Panacek-Guisse (ayla.guisse) of Coeur de Bourgogne , Second Life. Apparently two nincompoops were driving a trolley and lost control while attempting to swerve a drunken stumbling Santa on his way home from a Homeless shelter Christmas Party. St. Nick was narrowly missed as he dove into a pile of trash.  Witnesses on the scene were startled by the sight of a trolley barreling their way. One woman was injured  as she slipped on a patch of ice and broke a nail on her right hand. Another witness trying to help her up was covered by an avalanche of snow as the trolley hit a nearby snow mound before crashing into the lockhouse and bursting into flames. Another witness who did not want to be identified suspected  garish illuminations & icy roads may have played a part. Two suspects were identified as wearing elf costumes. One with a very distinctive unibrow. Before firefighters arrived one man was seen toasting marshmallows. 

 If you have any additional information about this accident, Please use the comment box below to report the suspects!

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SLE Police Reports- BREAKING NEWS! Beware of the Desperate potato packin half assed womanizer!

 

Second Life- 11/29/2020

During a concert at Terry’s Place on Sunday evening an outfit confused avatar by the name of TheEliteAlpha committed the shameful act of hitting on women who were dancing with their significant others.  This clown claimed to (BLEEP) their wives and show their husbands proof amongst other buffoonery claims. With nearly 2 years under his belt he still cannot complete a single outfit and totally went balls to the wall trying to be a two pump chump and not being able to make a slam dunk. If you see this clown at your venue please show him the door before he embarrasses himself any further.

Victim #1

[18:36] TheEliteAlpha Resident: quite the outfit

[18:37] Victim #1: Thank you my hubby got it for me

[18:39] TheEliteAlpha Resident: what can i say

[18:39] TheEliteAlpha Resident: guys got good taste

[18:39] TheEliteAlpha Resident: in more things than clothes 2

[18:40] Victim #1: tell him that

[18:41] TheEliteAlpha Resident: men dont interest me

[2020/11/29 18:40]  Victim #1’s Hubby: you want the store I got the outfit for my wife?

[2020/11/29 18:41]  Victim #1's Hubby: why not move along to someone who is wanting a person like you to randomly hit on them

[2020/11/29 18:42]TheEliteAlpha Resident: the thrill of it

[2020/11/29 18:42]  TheEliteAlpha Resident: excites me

[2020/11/29 18:43]Victim #1’s Hubby: laughs you realize my wife is showing me the whole chat Mr I am not into guys

[2020/11/29 18:43]  Victim #1's Hubby: well that is nice, try wearing one pair of clothing it might help, I mean two pairs of shoes and two pants, you look like an idiot But hey good luck in your random "excitable" 12 year old boy ways

[2020/11/29 18:44]  TheEliteAlpha Resident: i could have come here naked and gotten more women here than you

[2020/11/29 18:44]  TheEliteAlpha Resident: your wife is next

[2020/11/29 18:44]  TheEliteAlpha Resident: bitch

[2020/11/29 18:44]  Victim #1's Hubby: wow that is an accomplishment

[2020/11/29 18:44] Victim #1's Hubby: LOL

[2020/11/29 18:44]  Victim #1's Hubby: kid you have issues, you should get some help

[2020/11/29 18:44]  TheEliteAlpha Resident: it will be when shes moaning to my cock wont it

[2020/11/29 18:45]  Victim #1's Hubby: LOL ok child, delusions are a great thing

[2020/11/29 18:45]  Victim #1's Hubby: too funny

[2020/11/29 18:46]  TheEliteAlpha Resident: wait for the proof of me (BLEEPING) her. i sware to you its coming

[2020/11/29 18:46]  Victim #1’s Hubby: ok studly, you have fun in your dreams

[2020/11/29 18:48]  TheEliteAlpha Resident: be careful who you insult, especially if he tells you he gets off to (BLEEPING) with other guys girls. it probably means hes not to be (BLEEPED) with

[2020/11/29 18:48]  Victim #1’s Hubby: So scary keyboard warrior LOL BTW Read about sexual threats in Linden TOS studly

[2020/11/29 18:49] Victim #1’s Hubby: oh that is a threat of something of importance? Child go play your little games elsewhere.

Victim #2

[18:07] TheEliteAlpha Resident: quite the moves

[18:08] Victim #2: thank you

[18:10] TheEliteAlpha Resident: my pleasure

[18:12] TheEliteAlpha Resident: (Victim #2’s Name) is it

[18:27] TheEliteAlpha Resident: its just i was having difficulty deciding if your name were lovelier

[18:27] TheEliteAlpha Resident: or your face

Victim #3

[18:37] TheEliteAlpha Resident: nice moves [18:37] Victim #3: thank you :) lol [19:40] TheEliteAlpha: my pleasure [19:40] TheEliteAlpha: (victim#3's name) was it [19:41] Victim #3: yes [19:44] TheEliteAlpha: cant decide if your name is cuter [19:44] TheEliteAlpha: or your face [19:44] TheEliteAlpha: tough choice haha

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Random News: Trollers Really Should Read Profiles Before Attempting their Tactics....Again

Have you ever been trolled by a random Avatar with nothing better to do with their time?

I have... and by the same person on a couple of occasions, so I thought I would share my experience with our readers.

There is a Troll By the name of Tasseyburtle Resident who seems to pose herself as a photographer using the same cut and paste message to whoever she feels like trolling. Please note in her profile, she doesn't have a FLickr and seems to have a slight attitude, so please whatever you do don't ask her about it lol.

I've encountered her in the past, actually getting Punk'd the first time she sent this message. Let's be clear here...I'm no model..never claimed to be but she had complimented my avatar so I thought there would be no harm in helping her build her "portfolio".

 She teleported me to her location and then things took a turn. If I remember it correctly, this troll wanted me to remove my clothing and when I declined she got rather nasty. Name calling and whatnot.  Needless to say, I left and went about my business shaking my head at the crazies who share a virtual world with the us. In January, I got the same message again, but declined.

Months passed and I received the exact same message again this time with a typo included from this person.  She is not on my friend list but always seems to find me. Rather than sweep it under the rug, I might as well put her on blast in hopes she learns a valuable lesson about trolling media lol.

2016/01/01 14:04] Tasseyburtle Resident: sexy look, Im a photographer looking to start a new portrait gallery in sl and youd make a great model, if your not busy , interested?

[2016/01/01 14:15] Lanai Jarrico: Hi Tassey, thank you for the offer
[2016/01/01 14:15] Lanai Jarrico: but I am not a model
[2016/01/01 14:15] Second Life: User not online - message will be stored and delivered later.

3 days Later...

[2016/01/03 00:36] Tasseyburtle Resident: (Saved Fri Jan 01 18:16:56 2016)your pretty maybe u should try it out.
[2016/01/03 00:47] Lanai Jarrico: ty for the compliment but no thank you


2 months later... 3/5/16

[12:33] Tasseyburtle: Sexy look, im a photographer looking to start a new photo galllery in second life and youd make a great model, interested if your not busy?

[12:35] Lanai Jarrico: I believe we met before. No thank you I am not interested
[12:35] Tasseyburtle: lol you get arouned

[12:35] Lanai Jarrico: It seems you like to troll. I do remember you getting nasty with me one time when I tped to your "studio"
[12:36] Lanai Jarrico: do you recall this? [2016/01/01 14:04] Tasseyburtle Resident: sexy look, Im a photographer looking to start a new portrait gallery in sl and youd make a great model, if your not busy , interested?
[12:36] Lanai Jarrico: same exact message in January lol

No response back. Does this mean she just got called out on being a troll?

The only advice I can give to people who have been trolled is to turn it back around on those clowns and share your story with The SL Enquirer.

- Lanai Jarrico



Have you ever been trolled in Second Life? Share your story in the comment box below and don't forget to share the name of your toll so others can keep an eye out for them!

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THIS JUST IN! From a credible source used by Nitepress, Royce Zeplin- Bogus Viewer Ad

Some groups are sending advertisements saying that LL is creating a new viewer and will give a link to download it. Don't fall for it, it is a scam to steal accounts. Please pass this message on to your friends. If you do accidentally press it .. change your password immediately!

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