What follows are the results of extensive research, where we surveyed dozens of Subject Matter Experts on the topic. We have distilled the collected wisdom from 33 of those experts. Altogether, these individuals have amassed over four CENTURIES of residency in SecondLife, totaling 435 years of experience! Let me encourage you to read and heed their guidance and suggestions as you navigate your own way through the pleasure and pitfalls of “love on the grid”
In Part 1 of our series, our panel of experts
identified some of the more cringe-worthy mistakes that noobs make during cybersex. You can read Part One by going to:
http://www.slenquirer.com/2022/01/cybersex-101-noob-guide-to-love-on-grid.html
Here in Part 2, we will look at what our seasoned experts believe makes for a particularly good Cyber sexual encounter,
Finally, in Part 3, we will wrap up with an open
question to allow our seasoned experts to expand on anything else they
wanted to share about the topic
Last month I asked our panel of experts “What makes for a
particularly good Cybersex experience for you?”
One of the first answers I got was particularly telling when the respondent wrote “is there such a thing as a “good experience” with a
newbie?
For the purposes of this article, I decided to separate
the advice given by our panel of experts into three phases of cybersex. Generally, these would be BEFORE – what to do prior to entering the bedroom; DURING the actual act of Cyber Coitus, and
finally, AFTER you have “done the deed”
BEFORE:
As with anything worth doing, laying the groundwork, so
to speak, is important in any endeavor, but especially so in an activity as
intimate as Cybersex
Go Mesh or Go Home
A recurring theme here was that your avi is
important. SL is largely a visual
medium, and the visuals, though not the ONLY factor in great Cyber, does have
an impact. Comments included:
·
“Have a well put together avatar. Don't just buy the avatar, open the box, and
rush out to play. Put some effort into
being unique. Most people who draw your
attention put a lot of effort into their appearance and want the same in
return. “
·
“Of course, the guy must always take
care of how he looks. If the woman is
always making sure she is looking her hottest or most beautiful, then the guy
needs to do that as well. I like the avi of the other person to be nice and
pleasant as a person”
Foreplay –
Another crucial element is what you do in the time leading up to the actual sex
itself. Panelists were most insistent on the importance of this element:
·
“I love foreplay, the kissing and
exploring with hands and fingers. When it comes time to talking dirty, I
love to have my partner use compelling
language and be as detailed and descriptive as possible so that I can be
totally immersed in the fantasy”
·
“The chase/foreplay is hot. Don't sell it short. Spend some time with the erotic foreplay to
get your partner engaged. Don't just
jump right to the sex, as then we are back to what I said about making an alt
and just playing with yourself!”
·
“For me personally I like for it to look
like an actual date. I’m not a fan of
all these sex sims where people just go for casual sex. I like to go out
somewhere nice. It's great to talk to the person and establish a rapport. Then
when it's time for sex the furniture has good animations and isn't outdated. I
already mentioned the emoting but with that you don't want to overdo it either
and try to type a book with every post there's plenty of middle ground.”
·
For me, a connection makes it sexy, so I
like anticipation. Talking to someone a
few times, getting to know them, looking forward to their IMs. Then, when we finally DO get to the sex, I am
ready to tear their clothing off. That
anticipation makes is so much more
erotic.
Communicate
“What we’ve got heah, is a failyeah, to
communicate!” Just
like the Iconic line from Cool Hand Luke, how you communicate with your
partner is crucial to having a successful and memorable engagement.
Our panel of experts all had something to say about the
importance of communication.
·
Open and honest communication about what
you like and don't like, just like real life. Respect your partner and don't
think that just because they are pixels, they can't be hurt - just like you.
·
A good experience for me is when I find
myself in an interesting conversation
that leads into an emotional interaction that was completely unexpected
·
etting to know someone…see if there is a
connection with the other person before jumping into bed makes for a great
time. Get to know that person see what they like and don’t like. I have found
if I am with someone I did not take the time to get to know first it can lead
to a disappointing experience. No one wants that especially me...When you find
someone that you can relate to will want more and will be happier because of it..
·
I'm like any other woman. Being romanced
and paid attention to, are high on my list.
in SL, it’s all about the chase.
but its where the chase ends, and you are with your guy on steady terms,
that is when things could either blossom or die.
DURING
OK…You have scoped out the terrain, made the approach,
and now it is time to close the deal.
Even when it seems to be going well…you can still blow it and end up
alone (and frustrated) if you don’t follow a few basic rules. The Panelists shared these gems from their
personal, and considerable, experience.
One person said:
·
If you get a chance, learn the furniture
you are on so you know what poses and animations do what, so there is not a lot
of flipping around. * If you don't know the furniture, then make a joke out of
it. Laugh, have fun. Just like in rl sex, being comfortable makes
it so much more erotic.
Respond to your Partner
·
I like being with someone who is
responsive, eloquent, and fun, able to interact fast, keeping some rhythm as
opposed to someone just changing poses at their convenience, hardly
able/willing to talk. I've left a few there on the spot, logging off, because
of that more than once, feeling like an inflatable doll :-P
·
I like someone who responds to what I say
and do. If I say "This feels so good." a response, even a simple
"ty" or "yes it does" is preferable to no response at all
·
I like the interaction, knowing the
other person is there with you on the moment. not multi-tasking and just
responding with moans
·
It is pretty much the same like making
love in RL - don't be boring!
Communication
The need to communicate effectively is as important now
as it is in other phases of the experience.
Some of the more cogent comments from our panelists include:
·
Communication is key during Cybersex.
One of the biggest mistakes noobies make, (and some experienced guys also), is
to ignore my emotes. If I'm panting and moaning and telling you not to stop
"F--king me", that is not the time to click the menu and put me in
the cuddle menu. Another one is when I'm screaming, "OMG, right there,
that feels amazing, yeeess yesss right there!" Don’t change the pose. it’s
a turn off to think that the only reason
the guy is having sex with me is so he can watch himself perform in every
gymnastic position he can find to put me in.
·
Put some detail into your emoting. I can SEE what we are doing, but your words
are what can make me FEEL it. Think of
what you would be doing to me in RL, and tell me. The detail makes it hot.
·
Creative Emoting. Something more than nonsense sounds like
"mmmmm" or "Oh my god oh my god oh my god" Use adjectives. Short sentences... It's more important to
keep the pace going than it is to write a four-paragraph porn novel. Be respectful. Let the other person finish and then craft
your reply to make sense in the context of that the other person just wrote.
Try to become codependent in the emoting and not go off on your own tangent.
Compliment the partner often during and after sex
Multisensory
Great Cybersex takes more than just some cool animations
on a pose ball. More than just sexy
emotes. More than just a sexy
voice. Really GREAT Cybersex take
appealing to several sources of stimulation.
Here again, our panelists were quick to share their
experiences.
·
I love the visual as well as hearing her
voice change in my ears. being able to move to a pose I would in RL.
·
I mean, it's not like you are sitting on
a couch and feeling each other…you have to be able to talk about it and share
your feelings. And don't assume she (or he!) wants to know what you are doing
in RL during all this. and that’s another point. If you get to know someone
pretty well, sex is more natural and even if you make mistakes, they won't just
run off :)
·
Whatever you do, don't stop in the
middle for question-and-answer time
·
So guys, let me give you some friendly
advice: first, don't rely on the “Device” (Xcite, etc) scripts to do the
talking for you, and second, stop thinking about cybersex as porn. Start thinking
about it as creative writing instead. Show off some language skills and some
imagination to the ladies, and you'll find them more than willing ;-)
·
I never felt the urge to use the pose
balls. I rely more on actual words. When poses don’t work, they tend to throw off
one if not both parties making it hard to get to where you need to be in your
head.
·
I have experienced some of the most
intense times with someone, even when there are minimal animations involved. It’s
the erotic images and thoughts that turn me on, not throwing me into a
different pose every two seconds until you learn the menu.
AFTER:
So then, you have taken your time, you have demonstrated
a caring attitude, you connected with your partner on a deeper level, you both
reached a “Happy Ending”. Now what?
Our panel of experts was pretty much of one mind on this point. Hang out for a bit. The suggestions included:
·
“Stay for at least ten minutes. Women don't like cum and go guys. If they poof after two minutes.....ooooh what
a lover”
·
“Some chat before and after...... treat
me with respect”
So there you have it, Folks. Incorporating some or all of these ideas will help make you a better Cyber lover, And Hey, If you’re gonna do something, why not do it right and be the best you can at it?
Stay tuned in a couple of weeks when our 33-member panel
of sexperts wraps up our 3-part series with some of their favorite personal
anecdotes about the subject.
Be There
Aloha
JB
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