Catfishing is not a new
practice on the internet. Lying about oneself can happen on dating sites,
social networks and most definitely in Second Life where anyone can create a
false persona and wander around the grid lying to others for their own personal
gratification. I’ve been around for many years and have heard some of the
craziest stories imaginable. Detecting frauds can be difficult but by paying
attention to detail you have a better chance of saving yourself from heartbreak
and grief due to a Catfisher.
I wandered the grid and asked residents if
they have ever been lied to or tricked by an SL love interest and wasn’t surprised
by the results. Their names have been changed for privacy.
Lanai: Have you ever been Catfished?
Nelly: Yes! I have been
catfished more than once in the 3 years I’ve been in secondlife. The first time
was in my first year when I met someone at a club. I wasn’t looking for a
relationship but he seemed very nice and we started talking. He told me he was
23, single and worked for a software company in Florida. We talked for about 6 months. He would send me
pictures but never wanted to voice or go on skype with me. Little things he
would say didn’t seem to match up. One day he slipped and said he was going to
his nephew’s graduation out of town and wouldn’t be around. That seemed legit
until he came back a couple of weeks later and told me he had a confession and
that he felt really bad for leading me on. It turned out that he was 48,
married and his rl wife had come in the room and caught him dancing with me and
demanded that he break things off with me or she was going to leave him. She
was standing over his shoulder when he confessed all this to me. I was so
heartbroken and felt embarrassed that I shared so much about my life with
him. After that I never spoke to him
again.
Lanai: Wow Nelly I’m sorry to hear that. You couldn’t
tell by the pictures he sent you that something was odd?
Nelly: Oh! Here is the best
part because I did ask him about the pictures. It turned out to be his son! He
was basically acting as his son who is 23.
Lanai: That’s crazy! Do you have any advice for
our readers about watching for the signs of a catfisher?
Nelly: If I could go back I
would have asked him to skype with me and question him more since he said he
was single and living alone. Looking back his excuses were a bit strange.
Lanai: That makes sense. Thank you for sharing
your story.
The next person I spoke to
had a mind blowing story that made me wonder about the mental state of some of
these bold catfishers in Second Life.
Lanai: Thank you for taking the time to tell me
your story. Can you tell our readers about your catfishing experience?
Anonymous: Hi Lanai, yes. I
was dating a girl I had met here in Second Life for a year and things got
pretty serious. She told me she was 24 and living with her sister in New Jersey.
I live in Texas and we agreed to have a long distance relationship. She was
telling me she loved me and wanted to be with me. I felt the same way about
her. We never spoke on cam because she
said she was shy and only sent me her picture a few times. She was a pretty
girl with blue eyes and blonde hair. The hard part about our relationship was
that we lived half way across the country from each other but we spoke on the
phone a lot. I really did care about her and was willing to meet up. After
talking about it for a while she told me she would come see me. I took a week
vacation from work and helped her make flight arrangements. I went to pick her
up at the airport and I was floored when I saw her. She was nothing like the
pictures and she was much older and heavier. She tried to apologize and explain
why she lied but I was so hurt that I left her there and she had to take a flight
back home the same day. I immediately blocked her number and in second life. The
weeks following that she came onto second life on alts to try to get me back but
what she had done I couldn’t forgive. She is probably doing it to someone else
because she was a really good liar.
Lanai: Now that is crazy! What was she thinking
lying like that and then actually taking a flight to see you?
Anonymous: I couldn’t understand
that either but I am never taking that chance again. Before I even think about
meeting anyone else in second life, I want to at least skype with them so I
know exactly who I am with.
Lanai: it is safe to say that is a good idea!
This Catfishing story is one
of the worst because not only did the victim get lied to but the person who did
it was the same sex!
Steven: This is embarrassing
but I’ll share my story because I know this happens a lot and people should
know. I was catfished by a guy posing as a girl. I met this person while I was
at a charity event. I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend at the time because I
just went through an ugly breakup and just needed someone to talk to about it.
At first it was strictly platonic and we became friends. We would go exploring
and do fun things together like horseback riding, boating and club hopping. It
all started when “she” asked me to dance. Those intan balls have a funny way of
making a mood change and the next thing I know we were kissing and cuddling.
Things were moving faster then I was ready for but I needed something to cure
my loneliness and I let my guard down. We ended up having sex. After that she wanted
to take me to some sex clubs and I went with her. She wanted to try new things
and I was game but a little taken aback by some of the things she wanted to do
like use a strap on with me. I am a straight man so I told her no and she got
upset and we started arguing about it. Finally she confessed to me that she was
really a man and she laughed about it. I never felt so disgusted in my life. It
definitely changed my view of dating in Second Life and now I don’t trust any
girl who approaches me first.
Lanai: I’m sorry to hear that Steven! Didn’t you
ever try to talk in voice or anything?
Steven: No, but I probably should
have and will do voice verification from now on.
I sent a note in the SL Enquirer Media group
looking for people willing to share their catfish story and here is one of the
responses:
Anonymous: the answer is
yes. I was married in sl for almost 2 years thinking the person I was falling for was actually the daughter
of the one I was involved with. Coming
to find out the picture that I thought were the person I was dating was
actually her 24 year old daughter.
Lanai: how
did you find it all out? Did she confess?
Anonymous: her daughter told
me, so we got SL divorced and during
the 2 years of being with her we
had a son who was a zoobie. We
are still friends cause we share our son
yet there will never be anything more than friendship now
Lanai: that is terrible. I’m sorry that happened
to you. Do you have any advice for people on what signs to look for?
Anonymous: learning
experience. when I was a week old I dated
this girl I had just
bought a sim and built a club and a house on the land. Well, this girl was like, we are together so
I should be co owner of land with her. I was very naive in SL. I logged out
she banned me from my own land
and stole my sim. My first hard lesson of sl love.
This story really pulled at my heartstring
because not only do catfishers cause emotional damage to their victims but they
do it without any empathy. Much like how a serial killer preys on the weak.
Serial Catfishers kill the spirits of their victims.
It is not
a joke to lie for sport or selfish reasons because it can cause irreversible emotional
damage to someone who didn’t deserve it. (her name has been changed to protect her privacy)
Mary: I was catfished when I needed
someone the most and it added to my depression and almost made me commit
suicide. I had to go to a therapist because of what he did to me and I am still
in recovery. I’m in a wheelchair because of multiple sclerosis. I am often in
pain and on medication. I rarely go out so secondlife is where I can socialize
and feel normal without being judged. I have lots of friends who support me
here. I met someone at a concert and we danced and talked. We spent a lot of
time together and he accepted my disability. He always asked how my day was and
kept me company. I really fell in love with him and he told me he loved me too.
He asked me to marry him in secondlife and I said yes. I was so happy to have
someone in my life. It took away the loneliness and made my days easier. Then
things started to change, and I saw less of him. He told me he was working a
lot but promised we would spend time when he had a chance. One day out of the blue he tells me we can’t
be together anymore. I was devastated. It was like he did a total 180. I felt
like I deserved an explanation since for months he was telling me how much he
loved me and would always be there for me. Finally he confessed that it was
because he felt sorry for me and he wasn’t attracted to me. He also said he
found another girlfriend. Later I found out he had another girlfriend all along
on an ALT and many of the things he told me about him were a lie. It deeply
hurt me and I felt like my life was over. I still feel like I’ll never get a
chance to find someone because of how heartless he was to me.
Finding people willing to
talk about their experiences wasn’t that hard because sadly it is common in
Second Life. Wanting to be anonymous was also common and understandable too. No
one wants to be tricked into an emotional situation and make it public. I
appreciate those who participated in this poll for their willingness to share
their story and hopefully help someone else from being a victim of a catfisher.
If you have a Catfish story
or advice to share, use the comment box below
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