Interview with Uncle Sam- Darron Buckenberger Reporting..

 

It’s 4th of July and what better way to celebrate this day in Second Life than an interview with Uncle Sam. He’s like that stoner Uncle everyone has that is always at the annual BBQ and everyone just rolls their eyes and laughs when he begins singing his favorite rendition of “Yankee Doodle” during  Karaoke…

Interview with Uncle Sam

Darron: Happy Fourth of July, Uncle Sam! Thanks for joining me here at the Enquirer Headquarters. How’s the barbecue treating you?

Uncle Sam: Happy Fourth, Darron! The barbecue’s great, though I’ve had to dodge a few overcooked hot dogs. You know how it is – can’t have a party without a little char! And I must say, this setup is quite… festive.

Darron: Absolutely! Nothing says freedom like a well-stocked rolling tray. So, Uncle Sam, what’s your favorite thing about celebrating the Fourth of July?

Uncle Sam: Oh, it’s gotta be the fireworks! Nothing lights up the sky like a good display of freedom. And, of course, the endless supply of potato salad. You can never have too much potato salad – or too many nugs, apparently.

Darron: Speaking of freedom, what do you think about the state of the nation these days? Any thoughts on the lively political scene?

Uncle Sam: Well, Darron, it’s a bit like this rolling tray – a lot of pieces, a lot of mess, but somehow it all comes together. Everyone’s got an opinion, and that’s the beauty of it. Freedom to speak your mind, even if it sometimes feels like a never-ending debate over who rolled the best joint.

Darron: True enough! And what about taxes? People say you have quite the knack for collecting them.

Uncle Sam: Ah, taxes. The necessary evil that keeps this party going. I always say, pay your dues, but make sure you’re getting your fair share of the pie. It’s not always perfect, but we’re working on it – like trying to get that perfect roll without spilling any nugs.

Darron: Speaking of pies, any dessert recommendations for today?

Uncle Sam: Definitely apple pie – with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream. And if you really want to impress, try a red, white, and blue trifle. It’s festive, delicious, and pairs well with a nice, relaxing smoke.

Darron: Yum! I’ll have to give that a try. Now, some folks think you hang out with some questionable characters. Any comments on that?

Uncle Sam: Well, every family has its characters, right? The important thing is to focus on the good – the people who work hard, support each other, and keep the spirit of the nation alive. And maybe we can all agree that a little less drama and a bit more cooperation would do us good. Sort of like sharing the last nug in the grinder.

Darron: Well said! And what’s your secret to giving those memorable speeches everyone talks about?

Uncle Sam: It’s all about timing. Start strong with a toast, throw in a few jokes, and when you see people reaching for another drink, or another joint, you know it’s time to wrap it up. Keep it short and sweet – like a good apple pie or a quick hit.

Darron: (laughs) You really know how to work a crowd! Now, Uncle Sam, any hidden talents?

Uncle Sam: Well, I can juggle flaming sparklers – just kidding! But I do have a mean karaoke rendition of “Yankee Doodle.” And I can roll a joint in under a minute, which I’d say is quite the talent.

Darron: Now that’s impressive! And finally, Uncle Sam, any last words of wisdom for our readers?

Uncle Sam: Enjoy the day with family and friends, eat well, laugh a lot, and remember – freedom is about enjoying the little things. And maybe skipping the heavy politics just for today. Oh, and always keep a box of Altoids handy – never know when you’ll need fresh breath.

Darron: Perfect advice. Thanks for the chat, Uncle Sam. Happy Fourth of July!

Uncle Sam: Anytime, Darron! Happy Fourth to all!

Darron: Wait a minute… is that a USB port on your neck?

Uncle Sam: (laughs) Oh, you caught me! Yep, I’m an AI cyborg. Helps keep the speeches consistent and the joints perfectly rolled.

Darron: Well, that explains a lot! Cheers to our cyborg Uncle Sam!

Uncle Sam: Cheers, Darron! And remember – in the land of the free, even AI can celebrate the Fourth of July!

Darron: Right! It’s just unfortunate that you can’t feel the effects of a well toked nug… I’ll be sure to take a hit for you!

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After Party Interview with Uncle Sam- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

 

Interview with Uncle Sam

Lanai: Hey Uncle Sam, I heard you were interviewed by Darron. Sorry I missed the BBQ. I heard the potato salad was bangin!  Happy Birthday!

Uncle Sam: Thanks Lanai, I can’t believe I’m turning 248! I miss the days when I was 192. Maaaaan Woodstock was awesome!

Lanai: I wasn’t around for that but from what I’ve heard, it was wild times. What did you experience then?

Uncle Sam: Woodstock was a time when people began to really let their hair down. It only lasted 3 days but it really made its mark in history. People today still talk about it but just like a classic movie remake, it’s never better than the original!  The attempt at the 2nd Woodstock in 1999 was a total failure. You young people really know how to mess things up!

Lanai: I wasn’t there for that bonfire of an event but I heard about that. They nearly burned it to the ground!   It was a big time for grunge and mosh pits, what do you expect? So, with all the years you have under your belt, tell me about some of your fondest memories.

Uncle Sam: OMG… Back in 1859 my cousin Britain and I almost got into a huge fight over a pig. Our grudge lasted about 5 months but eventually we got over it. We totally almost went to war over that swine. Seriously.

Lanai: Um OK. That sounds pretty serious. Glad that got sorted out. So what is your favorite era aside from Woodstock 69’?

Uncle Sam: It’s so hard to pick just one! The Colonial Era was interesting. I was just a kid but a lot was going on in the North as the British colonies were being created. I met a lot of new friends.  Another found memory was in 1752 I was doing a lot of metal work at the time and I made this bell but it got cracked. Eventually my peeps in Pennsylvania decided they wanted it as a symbol of our freedom and decided to display it at the PA State House now known as Independence Hall. Don’t tell anyone but it totally has a typo.. I misspelled “Pensylvania”. 

Lanai: I’m sure no one noticed… I heard several years back some weirdo tried hitting it with a hammer and got arrested. lol. 

Uncle Sam: Yea, throughout history we’ve had quite a few clowns get disorderly.  You should have seen the Whiskey Rebellion in 1794. Now that was a violent protest! My boy George Washington was president at the time. It was the first tax imposed on a domestic product and people went bananas.

Lanai: Disorderly is an understatement.  How do you feel about the era we are in now?

Uncle Sam: Well that stupid DNA test kit craze had me feeling depressed for a while. Hearing all the stories of people accidentally finding out who their real dad is and siblings they never knew existed.  When I was born 65 delegates signed my birth certificate!

Lanai:  Are you talking about the Declaration of Independence? WOW yea that's pretty effed up.  I’m sorry you are still struggling with that. 

Uncle Sam: That’s why I’m getting my revenge by raising taxes. It’s my restitution for back Child Support owed to me. 

Lanai: That’s not fair to make every American pay for that injustice of paternity.

Uncle Sam: Well at least I give back by filling potholes and returns during tax season.

Lanai: I have nothing to say to that. So tell me about The Louisiana Purchase in 1803. At this point people are paying so much for a small house.

Uncle Sam: Stop exaggerating. I know the housing market is crazy but not that out of hand. Anyway,  Thomas Jefferson and Napoleon had beef that year and he bought 800,000 square miles of swath land for a whopping $27 million. My buddies Lewis and Clark loved to explore and really took advantage of the newly acquired land for a couple years. John Smith was another buddy of mine.  I liked him better before he settled down with this one girl named Pocahontas. They ended up moving to England. I never saw them again.

Lanai: sounds like you had a lot of interesting friends back in the day. Who do you like spending time with now?

Uncle Sam: I like to keep to myself these days. I find the internet to be an interesting place. It’s like a digital history book but there are so many inaccuracies and versions of history and people who don’t really know what happened way back when and try to retell stories based on passed down information through generations. I find that we all have our own perspectives of history  because we were all affected by the past in some way or another

Lanai: That’s very true. So what is your outlook for the future and if you can make one wish and blow out all your candles, what would it be?

Uncle Sam: Oh those are good questions but I don’t think you have the time for everything I want to say.  In a nutshell what I see for the future is pot will be legal everywhere if it was up to me but you know how that goes. I might be the poster child for America but I don’t have all the say. And to answer your question about my birthday wish this year. If I told you then it won’t come true!

Lanai: Fair enough Uncle Sam. Thank you for taking the time out to chat with me. We will have to talk again some time. Happy Birthday!

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HOLIDAY MASCOT SERIES: Interview with a Female Leprechaun 2024- Lanai Jarrico Reporting

 

Before we get into this extra peculiar interview with this year’s St Patrick’s day mascot, I wanted to remind St Patrick’s Day fans what the holiday is really about since it seems to be associated with drinking….heavily.

  St Patricks Day was first officially observed in 1631 when the church put together a feast day honoring St Patrick; the Patron Saint of Ireland.

 Back story time… Did you know St Patrick was kidnapped from Britain and sold into slavery in Ireland when he was 16 years old.  He escaped six years later and vowed to convert Ireland into Christianity and vanquished all snakes from Ireland not that there were any there to begin with. I think it's a metaphor for banishing evil.

 He wasn’t Irish nor was Patrick his real name. It was derived from the word “Patricus' ' in Latin; meaning nobleman or father figure. His real name was Maewyn Succat and he claimed that he deserved being kidnapped because of his lack of faith in God. He also claimed to hear voices and have visions too. Kinda like Joan of Arc. That’s pretty deep ya’ll.

Besides that, green wasn’t his favorite color either. It was blue. But be careful though…. rumor has it, If you don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, you might get pinched by a Leprechaun! 

Let me not even get started on the history of those holiday mascots...they are shoemakers that have some sort of fetish for gold that they hide at the end of a rainbow. If the gold is found, the little imp will grant three wishes.  Shrugs  I don’t know about you but I think it got a bit too Disney for me.

As far as the shamrock is concerned, there’s no evidence St Patrick was a gardener or ever wore a clover...It's a metaphor, a symbol for the holy trinity with the 3 leaves presenting the Father, the son and the holy spirit.

If we wanna throw it out there and keep it real. This holiday was really derived from Pagans,  there was a lot of that witchery going on back then. March 17th was originally Ostara; the spring equinox, celebrating rebirth and the balance of the universe but it got hijacked by another religion. Now it seems to hold no religious value at all.

I’m no historian or religious freak but I know a little somethin’.  I frankly don’t know what is being celebrated today though. It turned into a universal day of  heavy drinking, pub crawls, lots of green and a hangover the next day.

In Second life, the holiday is about venue hopping,music and dancing while double fisting virtual beverages. Our avatar is not responsible for our real person's consumption habits on this day or any other day for that matter.

 I think I like this version of holiday observation best because I can actually interview a leprechaun and not even feel weird about it.

 With that said…

St. Patrick’s day is right around the corner so off I ventured the grid in search of this year’s  little green dude to snatch up and interrogate errrr…. Interview. I went to my old haunt for holiday mascots and didn’t find any leprechauns at an AA meeting…oddly enough.

 I even tried looking for the end of a rainbow and it led me to an LGBTQIA club. I hung out there a bit with great music and friendly peeps,  then decided to go to the next best place…. The Blarney Stone -Irish Pub.

I was a bit hesitant to go inside at first because of past history that I do not care to discuss. Let’s just say it was so worth the SLE police report at the time lol.

Anyway, while ordering up a nice cold Guiness and scanning the place, I noticed what looked like a giant Leprechaun.  She seemed a bit intoxicated while dancing around and somewhat singing the lyrics to a song like a drunken karaoke superstar.

 I dropped my tab and tip on the bar and walked over to her. The first question I wanted to ask was where she shops when she voluntarily slurred out that she was a Leprechaun lookin for a good time. I found it a bit strange being that she was the height of an average avatar and that she was…. what appeared to be a woman…

Thinking to myself, this holiday cannot get any stranger with its constant evolution but decided I’ll interview her. What do I have to lose, except for readers who aren't into this crazy kinda shit.

INTERVIEW WITH JEZEBEL THE LEPRECHAUN

Lanai: Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. I wanted to ask…

Jezebel: Hey beautiful. Come dance with me.

Lanai: Oh thank you for the offer but I wasn’t hitting on you. I just wanted to know where you shop. That is a creative outfit you have on.

Jezebel: Ohh my bad. I’m a Leprechaun.. Well half. My dad is… my mom…she’s an elf. I get my ears from my momma.

Lanai: Who’d you get the height from?

Jezebel: My mother told me to never ask her those types of questions... She was a drunk when I was conceived and barely remembers my dad.

Lanai: Sorry I didn't mean to get all personal.

Jezebel: Not at all. I’ve been trying to get him to take a paternity test but he refused to give up gold in child support.

Lanai: Dang, Sorry to hear all that.  I must say you are the first female leprechaun I’ve met or even heard of.

Jezebel: I get that all the time lol. I wasn’t born this way. With the abundance of acceptance in the SL community, my love of Lady Gaga and excessive amounts of makeup and lashes I am living my true self and loving it. 

Lanai: Well you go girl! Live your best Slife. There is nothing wrong with that!

Jezebel: Thank you! So you're a journalist huh?

Lanai: I’ve been called worse lol. Yes and was out looking for a Leprechaun to interview for St Patrick's day

Jezebel: Well you came to the right place honey. I’ll answer your questions since I’m technically one.

Lanai: *looks at her with a long contemplating stare*

Jezebel: What?

Lanai: This is the first time I'm lost for words. I don’t even know what to ask you.

Jezebel: I understand all that glitters is not gold and all those tacky sayings but you did hit the jackpot lady luck. I’ll be your best interview ever!

Lanai: Ok… So what are your plans for St. Patrick’s Day?

Jezebel: I really didn’t have any plans, I was hoping you could give me some ideas.

Lanai: What’s the point if a leprechaun doesn’t even have plans? I think most avies nowadays just treat it like another day in SL. Others, I suppose visit St. Patty’s Day themed events to take advantage of any contests or sales happening. Other than that, I’m as stumped as you are.

Jezebel: As a leprechaun and unofficial St. Patrick’s Day representative I propose that everyone visit The Blarney Stone Irish Pub. It’s as Irish as it gets in SL. *shrugs* Besides that, name dropping their venue in The SL Enquirer might get me some popularity points with management. I’ve been looking for a job.

Lanai: FFS… Would you happen to know where the Easter Bunny likes to hang out?

Jezebel: Umm. Why am I suddenly feeling used for your next interview project?

Lanai:  Well yeah, thank you for the inspiration. I  wish you luck with your new job if you get it.

Jezebel: Thanks. Sorry gotta run!  my wife just pulled into the driveway, I was supposed to take chicken out of the freezer a couple hours ago to defrost. 

*oops* I’m so embarrassed. I didn’t mean to type that in open chat.

Lanai: *stares in disbelief*

Sometimes you have to admit defeat, even in the writing game. Not all interviews come easy and this one just baffled the hell out of me.

*Cheers* 

 Happy St Patrick's day!

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INTERVIEW WITH SANTA 2023- Whos being Naughty or Nice?- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

 

The holiday season is the time of year where people seem to evaluate how naughty or nice they have been as well as determine who gets gifts or a big ol’ lump of coal. This year I had a secret meeting with Santa to try and get an idea of how he rates my conduct this year so I can ... .agree or disagree with his findings in hopes I don’t end up taking hours shoveling the big pile of coal he left in my front yard last year. I personally think he made a mistake and it was meant for a neighbor… He has been very elusive this year and sending all my calls to voicemail so I decided to show up at this house in the North Pole unannounced to have a few words with him.

INTERVIEW WITH SANTA

*LANAI POUNDS ON THE DOOR LIKE THE SLPD* AND PEEKS THROUGH THE WINDOWS*

LANAI: Santa, I know you are in there! I just want to talk to you about a package left in my yard last year in error. It was clearly from you but the shipping fee was way too high to return it.

SANTA: Go away, I do not answer to solicitors.

LANAI: Stop playing, you know exactly who I am. 

SANTA: Lanai, you have got to be the biggest pain in the ass from the time you started walking.  think I don’t remember the child you were back then and the adult version you are today. Now go away! 

LANAI: Sighs. Do I have to remind you of the special brownies I left you instead of stale cookies over the years? What do you think makes you so jolly after stopping at my house on Christmas eve? Are we really going to have this conversation through a door? It’s cold. Let me in!

SANTA: *grumbling* Unlatches about 20 locks* Come in and stop shouting. I don’t need the reindeers knowing about that.

LANAI: It’s nice to see you too. *dusts off the snow and walks inside* So Santa, why do you hold such a grudge against me for every foul thing I may Have done. For every “minor” incident, I do like 20 nice things so stop dumping coal in my yard every year.

SANTA: Lanai, I have covered up for a lot of things you have done like the time you accidentally lit a whole sim on fire trying the magic hud you got for Christmas one year. Or in 2020 when you tried stealing a Christmas tree from the town square and ended up in the paper as the victim.

LANAI: Wasn’t me and the tree thing… I was traumatized! Don’t you have any compassion!

SANTA: Lanai…. You dropped your ID when you hauled ass out of there after the fire, they even got you on video… And you are lucky I pulled some string to have it reported in the newspaper in your favor!

LANAI: Fine. I admit that was an accident. I didn’t know pressing the red button would blow up a whole sim, no one got hurt…. I’ll admit the Christmas tree incident was kinda my fault…Thank you for the cover up but you didn't have to give them a picture to use!

SANTA: Thank goodness no one was hurt either time!  What about the time you cause an all out brawl at an Avatar anonymous meeting with all the holiday mascots. One of them lost a toe in the whole ordeal.

LANAI: Hey, they were already feuding before I got there. I tried to mediate but it got out of hand when cupid tried hitting on me and the Easter Bunny got jealous. Stop bringing up the past, I’m a new woman and I am devoting myself to peace and harmony.

SANTA:  Pfft. the only time the world is at peace and harmony is when you are sleeping! For once take some responsibility for your actions.  You continuously appear at catastrophic events in Second Life, yet none of it is your fault.

LANAI: I agree. I just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m a reporter. That’s usually how it goes. I’m constantly putting myself at the front lines risking my second life and you consider it all my fault!?! Enough about me. What about the time you needed me to talk some sense into Mrs. Clause, she was about to leave your ass for Father time. Or the time you got caught being a peeping tom instead of dropping off gifts at a swingers club which I will not name.

                                                (Lanai talked sense into Mrs. Clause)

SANTA: OMG, lower your voice, Mrs Clause is taking a nap.

LANAI: Santa, If I apologize, will you reconsider giving me my Christmas wish this year? I’m not asking for much.

SANTA: If I consider revising my naughty list for you, will you leave me alone?.... What is it you want?

LANAI: A man. Not just any man though. One who is smart, talented, gifted in specific areas, sexy, and wants only me. A Prince preferably.

Lanai’s dream man

SANTA: You just described Patrick Dempsey aka “MCDreamy”. He was featured in People’s Magazine 2023 as the sexiest man alive ya know. But he’s not a Prince…

LANAI: Are you kidding me? We weren’t even a match on the exclusive dating app Raya! Aside from that he placed 3rd in a Juggling contest back in high school and had aspirations to go to clown College. No thank you.

Just sayin’

SANTA: Fine. Let me see what I can do. Now if that is all you want you don’t have to leave the North Pole but you gots to get the hell out of here before the wife wakes up. You know she thinks we had a thing since that Christmas party back in 2009 when you sat on my lap and started singing “Happy Birthday Mr President”

LANAI: I don’t recall.

SANTA: Yea ok. You know exactly what you were trying to do.

LANAI: *blinks* Give me a little credit. That wasn’t a candy cane in your pocket…

SANTA: Lanai… I know you have a thing for me and all but, I cannot be your Christmas present!

LANAI: Don’t flatter yourself Mr Clause. One of the things I’m looking for is someone hot and I hate to break it to you. I was drunk off Eggnog that night. I’m not going to do this back and forth with you. I’ll be expecting a sexy man wrapped in a big ass bow under my tree Christmas morning. If not, I’m telling Mrs. Clause EVERYTHING! Including your account on squirt.org and about your 7 illegitimate kids that live with Snow White.

SANTA: OK! OK! Does height matter?

Lanai: MMMMhmmmm it sure does. Ok my mission is done here. Merry Christmas Santa, You should treat yourself to something special this year. Like a ticket to Mars on one of those SpaceX rockets. Bye Felicia!

Disclosure: This is a spoof interview. Santa really doesn’t have an account on squirt.org. Lanai was bluffing but perhaps he does since he didn't deny it. Everything he accused Lanai of is fake news. Everything about Patrick Dempsey is true but you can’t always believe everything you read on the internet.

 On behalf of The SL Enquirer, Have a very Merry Christmas and a super fantastic New Year!

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Interview with Uncle Sam 2023- It ain't that kinda Party- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

 

Interview with Uncle Sam- It ain't that kinda Party

Another year , another celebration for a country that most other countries don't really care for because of all the BLEEPERY. But hey I live here so I have to kinda sorta appreciate the fact that our forefathers signed the declaration of Independence to free us from the grips of Great Ol’ Britain.  Ahhhhh Freedom. I wonder what would have become of us all had those secret freemasons never decided to sever ties. The one thing I wish would have remained is the proper British accent. It’s sexy and sophisticated compared to our laid back lazy dialect.. 

Maybe it would have prevented a lot of the BS we deal with in this country today. It would be hard taking someone seriously who offers you tea after a heated confrontation. Oh Bloody hell.  Anyways, don’t mind me, I'm just rambling. Lemme stop before I get hate mail from people who might have gotten offended by that. To clear the air, I did my DNA Ancestry test and I can sit up here and say I have family ties to every country with the exception of Asia and Vikings.  

Speaking on that test though, it had me questioning if my dad was really my dad. My high concentration in Scotland, Ireland and dots around Europe As well as Africa’s Bantu people. It makes me feel like I was swapped at birth or something.. Ahhh genetics. I can’t wait til they disclose we are all alien experiments gone wrong.

 If we all took a step back, everyone in this world is related in some way. There’s no such thing as an illegal alien. That’s just rude, we are all aliens. Anyone who disagrees can go back to Mars or something. You need to get your life together.

Let it make sense. With that said, I decided to kick back and have a chat with Uncle Sam and find out why we continue to celebrate Independence and freedom in a country so divided in a world where eyes are on us like the bad kid at Sunday school.

Hey Uncle Sam, So… we meet at the Statue of Liberty… it’s been a while, last year it seems you took a day off for the holiday and could not be found. I’m guessing those student loans got you home for the holiday eating ramen noodles instead of a big fat steak on the grill.  

Uncle Sam: Hey Lanai… one of my least favorite nieces… It pains me to even ask, how have you been these days?  I heard you have been relocating across the country more than a fugitive. *sighs* This is the only place I feel like I can get away from it all and then you show up. Lady Liberty was a fine woman, we dated back in France. She was the love of my life but  She ended up running off with someone named Monalisa and moving to Italy. As one final blow, she had this big monstrosity of a statue shipped here to taunt me.

Lanai: Well damn not sure what to say to that.. Sorry to hear she did you dirty like that.  It’s great to see you too…yea I been around,  I still can’t decide which state is worse… So anyway, what are your plans for the 4th?

Uncle Sam: I’m glad you asked. I’m planning on having some words with the justice system over that major “Sike” move the commander in chief made with the whole student loan forgiveness plan. It appears all you educated imbeciles out there will start repaying those loans soon. It doesn't matter if you have a PhD, greeting people at the local Walmart or still trying to land that dream job that pays at least a 3rd of what your educated ass is worth.  It’s going to be a hardship for all. So brace yourself and cut back on getting your hair and nails done.

Lanai: That’s pretty BLEEPED up if you ask me. I literally went to the polls with hopes of some help. Man do I feel like a dumbass. I’m blaming Covid for everything, in addition to those dang wildfires fogging up our atmosphere. Not to mention stupid TikTok Videos that most will regret in 10 years.

Uncle Sam: Oh Lanai,you have a lot of ridiculous gripes. Of all my nieces and nephews , you are by far the most problematic.  Not even your distant cousins who struck up the whole witch trials in Salem held a candle to your antics. If you aren’t disappearing for months at a time doing god knows what, you are talking smack about stuff most of us want to sweep under the rug to keep the peace around here.

Lanai: Peace? Is that even a thing anymore? Peace was not having to answer a landline and letting it go straight to the answering machine or going to the corner store with 4 quarters as a kid and buying a pack of cigarettes without question. The shit we deal with today makes growing up in the 80s and 90’s feel like that was the best it would ever get…

Uncle Sam: True, the 80s and  90’s were pretty bad ass. Is crack still a thing? I’ve been around for a very long time and I’ve seen and done some shit. Today’s world sucks quite frankly and I just want to throw my patriotically decorated top hat to the flames and say (BLEEP) It. But I don’t want to be labeled as that crazy drunk uncle at the BBQs.

Lanai: *shakes head* well someone has to break it to you. Nobody really likes you. You tax the shit out of everyone and none of us know what the heck we are paying for. Our roads got potholes with potholes, our bridges are failing, nobody recycles anymore because garbage trucks toss everything into one big slurry bin and keep it movin’, the price of eggs went up, pot is legal but expensive as hell at the dispensary. It’s cheaper to hit up old  high school connections and get the street dirt. And now, we gotta worry about air quality because of someone flicking a cigarette in Canada? WTF.

Uncle Sam: I don’t even have the energy to put you over my knee and spank you over all that fake news. What is it that you want from me? 

Lanai: I just wanted to say Happy 4th of July…and ask if I can borrow a couple bucks. There’s the Cannabis Festival coming up.

Uncle Sam: I'm inviting myself. The only way to understand this crazy world is to remain under the influence of something other than you.

Lanai: *innocent grin*  🙂

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