Death and Loss In Second Life- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

 

One of the hardest things in life is suffering a loss. Even if it is part of the cycle of life. It doesn’t matter what religion you are in, race, gender, success, looks, or even age. Death is inevitable. At some point in our lives, we will all face the end of our journey. Everyone grieves differently. Some take it very hard and others learn to accept reality. Either way, there is no easy way to say goodbye to someone you love. You can only keep their memory alive by remembering the good times, using their inspiration to make yourself a better person, and honoring them in different ways. In a sense, every single person you meet and interact with in life plays a role in your growth just like you played a role in the life of the person lost. Many times we are faced with consoling a grieving person and this is where it gets tough. What are the right words to say to ease their pain? Do we stay silent and just listen or do we offer advice that may have worked on ourselves when we faced a time of crisis?

Death is a topic that many people like to avoid because it is associated with hurt and fear - two of the emotions that trigger us the most. When balanced with love it is possible to grow stronger and be at peace in a world where death and loss will always be part of our lives. The best advice to give anyone struggling is to let them know you are there for them. Even the smallest gesture of listening is an act of support. 

A hug also goes a long way. An embrace makes a person feel safe and comforted even just for a moment.

One of the greatest obstacles we face in a virtual world when dealing with a loss of a friend or a partner is the feeling of helplessness due to many factors. The distance is a major one. To many in the real world, they cannot understand the deep connection people form in a virtual world community. We meet from the inside out. This is a phrase I coined many years ago when I realized just how connected to a person we have never met face-to-face can be. In our everyday lives, we speak to people at work, at functions, and even in our own homes but we do not truly share detailed thoughts like we do when we are typing with our friends or partners in Second Life. 

There is something very different about it and the only ones who truly can understand and support each other through our online losses are members of the virtual world community.

In the past 17 years in Second Life, I’ve lost friends and acquaintances and offered my condolences to many who have felt this type of pain. I've visited memorials in Second Life and lit many candles, sat on benches in moments of silence while remembering those I've met, and even gone to virtual funerals where I fought back tears listening to others grieving and sharing their personal stories about the person lost. These are the ways we can come together in Second Life to support and help each other through the healing process.

The SL Enquirer would like to offer anyone who wants to highlight someone they lost by sharing their thoughts, a poem, a snapshot, or some words of condolences.

Submit your Obituary Message here and we will add them to an SL Obituary Page on SLE.

*hugs*

Lanai Jarrico

CEO, The SL Enquirer

 

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GOOD GRIEF! A look at griefing in Second Life – Ariadknee Resident reporting.

Writing this article was quite an eye-opener for me, I think most of us have experienced a griefer in our time on Second Life.  Griefing can take on many forms and none of them should be tolerated.

I tend to keep to myself so the extent of the griefing I have written about is far wider and more diverse than I could have ever imagined, including targeting people on outside of SL websites.  So in an effort to combat this behavior I took to the SL streets on a hunt for some griefing stories to help bring awareness to this problem.


The following stories are true, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent parties.

Missy was a very successful clothing creator, shop owner and ran a club, she had to stop due to constant harassment from one particularly nasty griefer who went beyond SL and into RL.

“It was horrible, it happened over and over every time I would log on he knew where I was and what I was doing, even on my own sim. I reported him to Linden Labs so many times and nothing happened.  One day I logged in to find he had hacked my account, left vile messages with all my friends, and had done things that got me banned all over second life. Even though he used my payment details to buy the maximum lindens and my evidence showed he transferred them to his alt nothing happened.  I fought hard to remain strong but eventually I gave up and closed everything down, I now stay low on my alt”.


Molly is a DJ at a club and has many stories to tell, she explains her most memorable one.

“Three griefers came to a club where they harassed the child avatars who were attending a DJed even with a crowd of around 15 avatars. The music being played was 80s tunes. Everyone was having fun and it was a wonderful time until the three griefers arrived.
One of the griefers started yelling very loudly during the DJ set, interrupting the entertainment and harassing a child avatar named Lucy. It was difficult to understand what the griefer was yelling. A few of the VIPs at the club began yelling and things became chaotic. Somewhere amongst the frey, one of the griefers said they would be posting or publishing what happened. We found the YouTube Channel they have been using and waited to see if they posted a video of the trolling they had done.”

Brandy is your regular SL Resident who would use a sandbox to build, here is her story.

“I love to tinker, just build and learn and I would use a sandbox to do this, I was actually griefed by the sandbox owner, he would watch and wait until I was almost done with something then he would send all my things back. I thought it was auto return but it wasn't and his cross hairs on me all the time was a give away, when I needed to run scripts he would turn scripts off on the sim, when I complained he banned me, about a month later he IMed me and asked me out on a date, I was shocked and refused politely and then he began a tirade of abuse and when I would mute one avatar he would get a new one, over 150 avatars he used. I got a new av and started again. I never used a sandbox after that!”

Michael worked for a Land Estate Company and he has a story from another point of view.

“I worked as a sales agent for an Estate, and I did really well, I enjoyed it but I wasn't always happy with the way the Estate owner did things, he would ban residents from their land for small trivial things, I had a lot of regular customers so it would upset me that they were banned after paying weeks on their lands. When I asked why, I was told he could do what he wanted to do and so I quit, and went on my way, it wasn't until I tried to TP to a few other estates looking for land I found out I was banned, I asked why and was told the Estate owner I worked for had told all estate companies I was a poacher and griefer! And so they listened and I was banned on over a thousand sims on SL for no reason, this person continues to track me and harass me from a distance, I don't sell land anymore I am a DJ and they still tell my bosses I am trouble, luckily the good ones listen to me and not him.”

Brian owns some large shopping malls and events, his griefing story takes thing outside of SL.

“I have thick skin, so a lot of it doesn't bother me so much but griefers will pick on my staff and the people who create and enter my events, but they are not brave enough to do it to their faces they go to outside webpages and make stupid memes and comments about them and then everyone has a good old laugh about it, it doesn't sound bad, but it can really bring down your self esteem and to me that's bullying”



Griefing takes on many forms in SL and it doesn't matter what form it is, it can really spoil your day, your week, or even your life, so be careful who you share things with, stay safe on SL and Mute, Derender, Report.  And don't react, it's what they want.

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Urgent News from Carli Chiari Clowes about !Clowes Couture Fashion Show and Charity Auction Cancellation

Due to a boycott by a griefer there will be NO more fashion show and charity auctions at Angel Manor. Things like this are very unfortunate for those who try to come together and help others. We become victims of  attacks and grief by people who use envy, jealousy and slander against us.  They think they have won over those that are trying to do good but not for long. Unfortunately this is Second Life and it contains some nests of crows and snakes. You just have to know how to control the pests.

 I am  officially announcing that we are cancelling the !Clowes Couture fashion show on January 19th and everything will be relocated and rescheduled for February 28th. 

Meanwhile, big news is we will move forward, head held high and my precious name and my reputation is not in the least affected by this griefing.

Stay tuned for more details about the Fashion Show and Charity Auction

Carla Chiari Clowes
Founder, Qwner, Entrepreneur
Catwalk Academy
elite Virtual Ford Models NYC
!Clowes Couture
Supermodel Fashion City in the World
Supermodel Virtual World
Queen & King Red Carpet

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AVIE POLL: How to Handle a Nasty SL Break-up-Ccoursey Reporting

"Never make permanent decisions on temporary feelings." -Wiz Khalifa

I asked several people "What advice would you give someone going through a nasty SL break-up?" and I gathered a bit of what is called 'easier said than done'.  A few said "Grief the idiot until you feel better", but that is only going to result in you getting in some trouble plus only a temporary feeling of satisfaction.  If you are involved in any kind of relationship in SL there will eventually be fall outs, some worse than others.  Here are what a few had to say about them.

Cris:  What advice would you give to someone that is going through a nasty SL break-up?

Newt:  The best thing is to have a cheap hide out home and/or get an alt to get away from it all to recollect yourself.

Cris:  nods... So you think it helps to escape a minute?

Newt:  Yes.

Cris:  Do you have any advice for people going through nasty SL break-ups?

Natty:  Oi!  That's a loaded question it really depends on the situation.... But don't be intimated and stand your ground would be the basic advice I would give.  Easier said than done though LoL

Cris:  Does it get easier?

Natty:  Basically you have to keep in the back of your mind the reasons you left him or her or he or she left you and come to terms with it just like a RL relationship.  And try to stay away from them if you can.

Cris:  What advice would you give a person going through a nasty SL break-up?

Dan:  The best thing to do is center your attention on other things cause the pain is dreadful.  Spend some time, maybe try to figure out what you did to make it a bad break up.  Don't talk bad about the person you dissolved with rather his/her fault if it was bad break.  The steam will still be there so leave well enough alone and try to move on if you really loved that person keep the love deep inside you, hold them close to your heart.

Cris:  Do you think it is best to give it time or jump right back in the dating game?

Dan:  Oh definitely give it time for the pain to heal.

Cris:  What advice would you give someone going through a nasty SL break-up?

Sins:  As in how nasty?

Cris:  In general...

Sins:  Well, I must say, it depends on the depth of nasty happening.  Mute and Cut it saves you from the drama.  Most of mine are friends so...  But to give the best advice it depends what is going on.

Cris:  Do you let people wallow or do you push them to get back into the dating game?

Sins:  Well... I say let it come to you... not you go to it... all in time in SL.  When one does not look for it, it tends to find you not you find it.  I never did.  Every situation is different but if it can't end nicely... then mute... and move on, there's too much out there.

Cris:  What advice would you give to someone going through a nasty SL break-up?

Oz:  As in coping with it afterwards?

Cris:  Pretty much.

Oz: Hmm....  For one to be able to cope with an SL break-up, all it really takes is time, depending how close you were to your partner.  Some say that SL is just a game, and it is, but the emotions one usually shows is often real.  The effort that somebody puts into a relationship is real.  Others may find it as a joke, but to those who truly care about their partner, the pain one feels is usually real.  You may never see their actual face, or hear their actual voice.  Here, you're able to grow an emotional and mental connection that you otherwise would have never been able to anywhere else.  The sad truth about dealing with a break-up, is that, the closer you were with your ex-partner, the harder it is to get over it.  Hang out with some friends, clear your mind, and just try to enjoy yourself.  You'll find yourself having fun sooner than later.  You'll forget it ever happened or why you were even sad in the first place.

Cris:  What advice would you give a person going through a nasty SL break-up?

Test Cluny:  1)Strip club 2) Loose shorts 3) Lap dance chair 4) 3 hours 5) $300.... Will clear the mind and body and only happy thoughts past and future will flow.

On that note, it really depends on the situation and the people involved.  It's best to try to keep it friendly, because really if it isn't fun why do it?  At some point you liked, even loved, each other and it will be hard enough without becoming nasty.  Good luck and remember even in SL you're never alone, someone somewhere is or has gone through something similar.

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Investigative Report on the ONDUTY Penis Part 2- Conducted by Lanai Jarrico and Hal Jordan

The SL Enquirer has been working closely with The Green Lanterns of Second Life in an effort to keep the Second Life community informed about griefers that can affect resident’s virtual experience in a negative way. The Green Lanterns is an organization of dedicated volunteers who have made it their mission to help protect the SL community since 2006.

SLE was contacted by The Green Lantern’s Head of operations, Hal Jordon (greenlanternexcelsior). He had concerns about a product called ON DUTY Penis and wanted to make the SL community aware of this griefer tool as well as an open letter from “Anonymous”   that was posted last week asking for our help.

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SLE Investigative Report Part 1: Open Letter to The SL Enquirer About the ONDUTY Penis- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

“Hi, my name is (Anonymous) and I run my own clinic on my husband’s land. Way before I met my husband and I was still getting to know how to do things in  Second Life,  I wouldn’t say I was a newbie but I was still learning about the community,. a guy asked me for a dance which I had no problem with until he asked me if I ever look at my hip when I dance with someone. It was an odd questions and I said no. 
Why would I?"

"He proceeded to tell me maybe I should look. I immediately stopped dancing with him. When I did, to my shock and horror, I got a message saying Congratulations I would be having a baby in 9 days! Then it sent me a message instructing where I needed to go to have the baby. Apparently his ONDUTY penis HUD went right through my jeans. I was angry and I asked him what the hell did he do to me and he laughed and walked away as if what he did was nothing and I was nobody."

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