I
have never put as much thought into an introduction paragraph as I have with
this subject. As research indicates, the
receiver of written electronic communication understands emotion conveyed by
another person slightly under 60% of the time.
There is one attribute we all share in Second Life. We all must use written communication to
express feelings, observations, thoughts and ideas. For some, written is the only form of
communication used in Second Life. Other
residents combine one of the many voice application with the written text. Still others combine writing, audio and
visual to communicate in world. That
seems like a lot of variations. Wait
there is more to consider, who communicates to a friend who does not understand
English very well? Lastly, studies
indicate that sarcasm is the least understood of the written feelings
communicated between people electronically.
Our own government [USA] has spent time and research on sarcasm in
electronic communication within ongoing studies by the NIH.
The
who/what/when/why of electronic communication is ever changing for we as end
users. Different rules for communicating
apply in different settings. There is no
single rule book titled “Texting, Emailing and Emoting for Dummies”. Believe me, I have checked for such a
book. The web is a Hydra of electronic
communication advice; select and read one and three more appear. The good news is that I believe Second Life
residents are generally well versed in communicating. In this article I will cover what I found to
be the most helpful advice.
I
don’t believe there is a single person who doesn’t know that writing in ALL
CAPITAL letters is considered shouting in text.
There are several other considerations when composing your texts. Words matter to the recipient. The word you select to open and to close a
text as well as the specific words you use should be considered in your
communication. The length of a response
you write may convey meaning to your recipient.
Psychologytoday writes that one of the most important items to consider
is that the person you are “speaking” to may be in a very different mood than
you are when you write them. This
effects how they understand your intentions and your meanings. Studies have learned that when someone
receives an ambiguous or open-ended text, they are most likely to consider the
meaning as negative or indifferent.
Ironically the study also found that negative emotions are the most frequently
misunderstood communications within individuals electronically.
This
is excellent advice, consider the receiver before firing off that IM. If you want to be understood consider a few
factors that affect the receiver. How
long have you known this person?
Research indicates that the less you know a person, the more formal your
replies should be to them. Communicating
using IMs is how you manage some very important relationships. What might you say to this person if you were
speaking to them in the same room? Read
your IM before sending it. How may it be
interpreted? When in doubt, you may
always ask a friend for help. In Second
Life that is frequently not possible so doing your best is fine. Depending on your relationship with a person,
know when to go “voice” or “video” with them.
Now
you are thinking about your receiver and how they may or may not interpret your
words. When we communicate with someone
in person we have the benefit of expressing ourselves with touch, facial
expressions, sounds and body language. Psychologytoday reports that words
set less than10% of the emotional tone of our interaction. That means with our IMs over 90% of the
communication tools we have may not be used.
Everyone in Second Life knows that with that less than 10%, there are
frequently misunderstandings. That is
perhaps the understatement of the year. [laughs] Let’s look at an example from
Psychologytoday from a couple’s interaction.
He: Luv u, 2 2
The
challenge of this short IM is that he doesn’t know exactly how the woman he
sends this too is currently feeling.
With the brevity here, she may interpret this as he is too lazy to write
more, he is too busy for her, or perhaps she will merely feel indifferent. Here is one suggested response:
He: I was just
listening to one of your favorite songs.
I was thinking of you. I wanted
to tell you I love you. I am happy we
are together. I can’t wait to see you
tonight.
The
actual response in Psychologytoday is laughable. [Think the Pina Colada song meets an
unpublished romance novel left in a mud puddle]. It is two
paragraphs long. In Second Life SIZE
MATTERS with communication. Here what is
the suggested style that instead of short “couples speak”, writing a thoughtful
line or two will go a long way toward sending the message you want the
recipient to receive from you. Using
their guidelines, I crafted a response using their points of connection. The important points gleaned from this
article is that you may convey body language [sitting on sand], facial
expression [smiling], voice [singing] and touching [toes in the sand] using
words. Frequently we are just plain
lazy. We pay dearly at times for that
laziness. Sit for a moment and consider
any one of the misunderstandings you have experienced in Second Life. If you had added a few more words and
considered how the other person felt, would things have gone differently for
you. In almost every case the answer is
yes for me. Though we all know that
sometimes we try our best and ‘people be crazy’.
Techwalla.com had some very good suggestions for
IMs. Abbreviations may seem curt or
disinterested to some people. A slightly
longer response may make your IM easier to understand. What punctuation have you used in this
particular IM? Some people fine ending a
statement with a period (.) to be unfriendly whereas ending with a semi-colon
or no punctuation may lead some to believe it is open-ended. It was at this point of my research I felt
almost unable to IM anyone I knew in Second Life. So many things to consider before hitting
that enter key. When we respond to an IM
we frequently whisper or hear our response in our head. That response is perfect in emotion tone and
delivery. We need to remember that is not
sent along with the words.
Stated
the obvious that we frequently forget, Fastcodesi HYPERLINK
"https://www.fastcodesign.com/3036748/why-its-so-hard-to-detect-emotion-in-emails-and-texts"gn.com
adds some helpful ideas. “Without the
benefit of vocal inflections or physical gestures, it can be tough to tell
e-sarcastic from e-serious, or e-cold from e-formal, or e-busy from e-angry.
Emoticons and exclamation points only do so much. (short answer: we’re selfish) and what we can
do about it (short answer: make some face or phone time). A big problem people have when conveying
digital emotions is often that they fail to appreciate there’s a problem at all.” Incredible, I wondered, I am selfish and
inconsiderate that is why I have misunderstandings. Ouch, let’s dial it back just a bit for
context. It’s is all the recipient’s
fault! No that isn’t the answer
either. As with most things in life,
time and experience will help us develop our talent or lack of talent.
One
situation that how we word our IMs may be very critical between a “great” time
and a “should have watched TV” time we spend with another person; romance. Emoting is considered by some residents to be
a great skill, while other residents can’t be bothered to use it. Emoting is conveying your feelings, actions,
observations by using the /me before writing an IM to another person. When doing chat at a RP SIM, there are rules
for how, when and what format written communication must follow such as
“turn-based paragraph-roleplay”. When
you are with your special someone, there are no rules. I would recommend asking the individual how
they prefer to communicate. Do they
prefer short responses or longer responses?
Do they enjoy a rapid reply or proceed more slowly? Truth is, I don’t do this most of the time
and most other residents don’t either.
We don’t do the obvious thing because we are embarrassed or
uncomfortable asking our date.
Considering
the research, the reading and all the ways IMs may go wrong; I believe the best
way to approach this is to pay attention to your date [recipient]. Pay attention to how they communicate with
you, their style. Stay out of local
chat, this demonstrates how you prioritize your receiver. For some people that is hard to ignore. Trust me, there will always be plenty of
location chat. There is only one time to
make that first impression IM. Being
attentive is rewarding as it adds to the comfort of communication. If both people are paying attention to each
other, then asking questions such as “do you want…” or “do you like…” or
“should we…” become much easier to ask.
Take a moment and consider what I am suggesting to you. A little time up front, gives the
relationship [whether romantic or friendship] a good chance to become a good
relationship. You can keep your own
style and be you. When you have
questions along the way, clarify with the recipient. That is the magic silver bullet as I see it;
listen and pay attention.
“Digital miscommunication wouldn’t
be much of a problem if we always adopted the most optimistic or generous view
of an ambiguous email or text.” Justin Kruger, NYU
…But
we don’t assume the most optimistic or generous view, we assume the negative or
the indifferent view. We don’t pay
attention closely and view them only through our own filters. The phrase “no drama” never fails to make me
smile in world. With all the
complexities of our communications how can there be anything except drama?
“Elementary”, said he. “It is one of those instances where the
reasoner can produce an effect which seems remarkable to this neighbor, because
the latter has missed the one little point which is the basis of the
deduction.” Sherlock Holmes speaking to
Dr. Watson, “The Hound of the Baskervilles” [1901].
References:
Specific
to Second Life Emoting:
This
is what the Pina Colada song meets an
unpublished romance novel left in a mud puddle sounds like to me:
Psychology HYPERLINK
"https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201305/communicating-emotions-online"Today advised text in place of Luv u,u2:
“I’m sitting on the sand where we first met, wrapped in the love
blanket you gave me. The sun is going down and I can feel you close to me. I’ve
got a big smile on my face, but I have tears in my eyes, wishing you were here.
If I were speaking now, my voice would be a little croaky because I’ve been
singing too long in the cold, but I know you would still love the way I sound.
I’m running the warm sand through my fingers and toes, listening to the
beautiful sounds of the ocean going dark. I love you so much and I hope you
miss me, too.”
Photos by Karmaghna Ulrik
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