OK...SOOO...you are new to SL. You came to meet people. To build…maybe as an
outlet for your artistic expression…You were here about a day and a half when
you learned about an entirely different side of the Grid. The Naughty side, as
it were. Of course, you are
interested…curious maybe, and like everything else, you want to see what this
is all about. Whether you were
introduced to cybersex at the hands of a caring mentor, or if your first
experience was at a group orgy, chances are you have questions about it all,
and how you can maximize your enjoyment, and that of your partners, in this
thing called cybersex. Questions like
“How do I know if she or he is interested? Are there any “Green Light”
Phrases?” or “What is it about working the animations? Is there anything
special to know about that?” And then
the ever-present “To voice, or not to voice?
That is the question.”
In keeping with
the SL Enquirer’s continuing mission to inform our readers, over the next
several weeks we will publish a three-part series on how to be the best
cyberlover you can.
What follows are
the results of extensive research, where we surveyed dozens of Subject Matter
Experts on the topic. We have distilled
the collected wisdom from 28 of those experts. Altogether, these individuals
have amassed over three and a half CENTURIES of residency in SecondLife,
totaling 376 years of experience! Let me encourage you to read and heed their
guidance and suggestions as you navigate your own way through the pleasure and
pitfalls of “love on the grid”
In Part One of our series, our
panel of experts was asked to identify some of the more noteworthy mistakes
that noobs make during cybersex.
In Part two, we will look at
what our seasoned experts believe makes for a particularly good cybersexual
encounter,
Finally, in Part Three, we
will wrap up with an open question to allow our seasoned experts to expand on anything else they wanted to share about
the topic
Before you enter into the wild and
confusing and exciting world of cybersex, you should ask yourself “why do you
even want to have sex in SL?” If you're doing it because you want to change
your RL, make sure your "target" has the same kind of ideas. Most
don't. Along with that... What do you
expect from it? Is it just porn for you? Or to help you “get off”? Or maybe
you've never really had sex at all and are just trying to fill that gap. I once had a counselor who works with
individuals with disabilities tell me that
“For people with some disabilities, [cyber]sex may be the ONLY sex they
will ever get to experience” Do you care
about this person you're hoping to have sex with, or is it totally casual? And
do they feel the same way? Be sure you
can address these questions before proceeding.
Part One: What are some of the more noteworthy “Noob
Mistakes” during Cybersex?
There were several answers to this
question that were repeated time and again by our “sexperts”. Most often cited
was the poor quality of the dialogue that often accompanies
a noob’s initial dive into cybersex. Fully 48% of those responding identified
this as a top concern
·
“It's okay
to reach out and contact people you're interested in, start a chat first, but
don't just offer friendship without a word said, and send a random TP offer to
some remote sex beach.”
One writer summed it up nicely when
she said:
·
“Learn how
to emote! This is where you get creative and describe what is going on or even
add something to it to heighten the experience makes all the difference in the
world. Don't just keep typing harder, faster, or deeper. You can only get so
hard or go so fast. You can only go so deep. [Repeating this over and over]
just makes you look stupid.”
Other comments included:
·
“You must
establish with the quality your intention and that of the couple, it is for fun, it
is for porn sex, it is for love? That will help you avoid problems that may end
up breaking your heart.
"I have noticed…the lack of quality
roleplay and immersion. A lot of the RP would be rapid, machine-gun fire posts,
without waiting for a reply like: mmm…so good….ahhh…Noob: nice p***sy”
Some noted the sparseness of supporting
emotes:
“Don’t just
watch the animations. There needs to be a conversation. Narrate the scene. playoff of each other”
·
“Don’t use
shorthand texting abbreviations. You could come off like an uneducated dumbass
or she may think the guy behind the profile has the maturity level of a
14-year-old.”
·
“Take your
time, learn to emote. Do not be a
paragraph writer. "Lays you on your
back. Spreads your legs… pushing into
you" works better for you and your partner than writing a book.”
On the other hand, sometimes there is
too much text.
·
“No
excessive emoting, it is supposed to be about your thoughts and what you would
be doing in RL, not a paragraph from ‘50 Shades of Grey’.”
·
“Don't
‘godmod’ - don't tell me what I am doing or feeling or saying. Let me respond for me, and you respond for
you. Nothing is as annoying as being
told you are screaming out in ecstasy when you just emoted biting your lip in
silence.”
·
“Don't
ignore what your partner is emoting. So
many people who are new to this start writing what they are doing and forget
that it is a two-way street. Write...and
then READ and respond. Make it a give
and take.”
Additionally, 26% of the respondents
addressed the importance of having a hi-quality Avatar.
·
“First of
all, you should make sure your avie is totally mesh, no one likes being with a
noob especially if your body doesn't look good.
That sounds a little mean but it is so true.”
·
“I recommend
investing some time and effort into your avatar and strive to bring a unique
look to your avatar that defines you. There's still a lot of avatars running
around with system avatars that look like they were made with scissors and
paste and 2006 fell on their spiky heads.”
·
“Avoid
having an ugly avatar - get a mesh body (yes, there are free ones for that). If
you're a guy, do NOT get yourself a "freenis" (=a free penis) - they
look ugly!”
·
“Don't just
put on your new c**k and run out to play.
Learn to use it. Color it. Position it.
Get to know the hud, so that your use of it is not the focus of the
interaction.”
A full 20% of the respondents noted
that how you initiate cybersex is of crucial importance.
Never ever (!!!!!) just approach a
person and just say “Ur Hawt”, Wanna f**k?" or “nice tits” as your opening
sentence'" The approach.
"Wanna F**k" is not going to get you any further in SL than in
RL.
·
“Like in RL,
most people want a little seduction. If
all we wanted was to jump on a pose ball, we would make an alt of the opposite
sex and never bother engaging with others.”
One contributor identified a major
problem upfront:
·
“Asking for
Sex. That's the number one
mistake. No one worthy of your time
wants to be asked to have sex. The trick
is to engage in conversation in a way that makes them think they want to get to
know you better. Then invite them to
join you on a chair or sofa to be comfortable during conversation. And from there you might stroke their hair or
their shoulder. Perhaps you kiss their
mouth when the moment feels right and see how they react. If they are into it and kiss back... you have
permission to go further. if they
simply Smile and do not kiss back... disengage and find someone else.”
And
finally,
·
“Always
cuddle before and after - don't be a cad.”
Other challenges noted were too
numerous to fully cover here, but they included things like how often to change
poses or not. Once your partner has the camera properly positioned, hopping
from pose to pose every 10 or 15 seconds can be irritating. Some have suggested no more than 4 or five
poses should be used during an entire encounter. Pay attention to
details…placement of appendages…not poking thru bellies or outback of heads.
So, there you have it, folks – some of
the more common mistakes noobs (and more experienced residents) can make while
cybering. Confusing? Yeah.
It certainly can be. But with a
little practice and attention to detail, you too can become the Don Juan (or
Donna Juan) of Cyber.
Stay tuned for the next two parts in
this series, where we will continue our discussion about what makes for great
cyber, as our sexperts share from their experience gained in this important
aspect of life on the grid.
Be There. Aloha!
JB
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