When you have a game like Second Life, the lines between reality and fiction often get blurred. A lot of people, male and female often forget that there is a human at the other end of the keyboard. During this time of forgetfulness, some people act a certain way unbecoming of any normal human should with morals and some intelligence.
Recently I was witness to some behavior uncharacteristic for a man let alone any human. What truly amazes me is the tactics some take to get the attention of others. I honestly believed they weren’t hugged enough as a child. Or maybe hugged by the wrong people :)
This got me to thinking, if I just witnessed some absurd behavior when a person was denied for their advances and they got angry about it, this has to be happening a lot and maybe in real life.
So I started to research it and I found some information from a Psychotherapist and they stated the following: “Men have been taught since the earliest of times to protect their masculinity," says psychotherapist Jaime Gleicher, LMSW. "When they're rejected, they associate it with their masculinity. When that's threatened by an outside source, they tend to fight for it—also as a way to re-prove their manliness.”
This may explain why men get so inexplicably aggressive when you decide you don’t want another drink or date. It’s likely he’s wanting to avoid the inevitable reality, says Gleicher.
Now I can get behind that, I am a man and yes I don’t like my masculinity attacked or damaged, but that doesn’t mean I have to go into an instant rage and start verbally abusing the person. I mean do they think the person they were hitting on will now think “You know maybe he is the one I want to be with, he is so passionate and I mean calling me a slut and a whore kinda is spot on, so he gets me so I should take his advances and feel lucky”?
Seriously?? I can honestly say that I don’t believe that has ever happened. Nor should it actually.
Now do not get me wrong this isn’t only on men acting like children when they get turned down. This goes for women also. You all thought you weren’t getting out of this unscathed, did you? *smiles*
I interviewed a few SL residents that experienced such shenanigans. Names have been changed to protect their privacy.
Harrison: I met this girl at a greedy party while I was hanging out with some friends. Two days later she messaged me to hang out with her. She invited me back to her house where she showed me around and boasted about being a dancer and a host for a fairly new club. She was attractive and funny and we seemed to hit it off. I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship and I let her know that but it didn't seem to stop her from pursuing me. Fast forward maybe a week later she invited me back to her place again. This time she was wearing lingerie and really flirting hard. We ended up having sex. I don’t usually spend long hours on second life so after about a half an hour of cuddling I had to log off. Everything seemed fine until I logged in 2 days later and received a long offline about how I ghosted her and that I was an insensitive a****** and that she is going to warn all the girls she knows about me being a player. I was shocked and confused. I tried to apologize for making her feel that way and reminded her that we weren't a couple and she called me a bunch of names and muted me. I’m still confused about why she flipped out on me like that.
Sarah: I experienced harassment after a break up with someone I thought was a great person. At first he seemed sweet and took me dancing and we talked for hours laughing and just enjoyed spending time together. Things seemed to change after a couple of months when I took too long to answer his messages or I wanted to spend time with my friends. A lot of the time when that happened I was AFK or hanging out with my friends and playing board games. He started accusing me of talking to other guys which was not happening at all! I was surprised that he started to act jealous and mean. It was a turn off and I started to feel less interested in him.. Then one day after 3 or so months I decided I didn't want to see him anymore and that's when things got out of control. He started to show up at the clubs we used to go to together and openly say embarrassing and hurtful things. He even started to make fun of my appearance and telling my friends I was not to be trusted. I feel bad that he involved my friends in drama. I unfriended and blocked him and now I avoid the places I once loved to go.
Remmy: I’m a dancer and meet a lot of people. Most of them are very nice. We banter and have fun just talking and listening to music at the club. I don’t normally date the customers who come watch me dance. I like my freedom. I even have in my profile that I am single and not interested. One evening a gentleman comes in and is giving me lindens and IMing me flirting and asking for a lapdance. I let him know what the fee was and he agreed. We went to a private area and I proceeded to dance for him. Then he started calling me a s**t and a w****e. I asked him nicely to be respectful and he suddenly got up and shamed me for being a dancer and actually asked for his lindens back! I reported him to the club manager and he got banned. I don’t understand why men have to act that way!
Bradley: I spend a lot of time going to concerts. I love different kinds of music and interaction. It is also a great place to meet new people and just hang out. I’ve dated girls in the past and no stranger to things just fizzling out after a couple of months so I take it with a grain of salt. SL is a place to have fun or there’s no reason to be here. One day while listening to a concert and dancing I got asked to dance by a girl who was standing nearby. I declined because I wanted to dance alone. About halfway through the show one of my friends showed up and asked me to dance. I didn't think anything of it so we started dancing. No more than 5 minutes later the previous girl IMs me and starts to berate me for not dancing with her. I thought it was strange since I didn't even know her and the worst part is she even IM’d my friend and started to insult her! What is wrong with some people!?!
Caly: I dated someone for about a year. Things were starting to feel the distance between us so we talked about it and decided it was best if we were just friends. Everything seems fine until one day he showed up at my house uninvited and I was there with someone else. It’s embarrassing to say this but we were having sex when my ex dropped in. I quickly added my date to my access list and turned on my privacy orb and it kicked the ex out. He proceeded to harass me and the guy in IMs killing the mood. The guy I was with ended up leaving and telling me he wanted nothing to do with me. I don’t know what my ex told him but that not only embarrassed me but made me leave SL for a while.
There you have it, folks. Unsolicited advances and even fits of jealousy create so much unnecessary drama that ruins Second Life for people who come here to just have fun or hang out with friends. The only advice that I can offer to those who are causing scenes and being ignorant and immature is to just leave and go find somewhere else to act up. Time is a valuable thing and if it is wasted hurting others for one's own personal satisfaction, I feel sorry for them because they must be missing something in their life, maybe a hug from their mommy or maybe some self-esteem. Either way, stop being immature and grow the hell up.
If you had your own experiences do share leave a comment below!
Ciao
Orion
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