At approximately 6:52 pm SLT on December 11th, witnesses reported Santa got knocked out cold with a pile of gifts launched by an assailant who looked strikingly similar to Lanai Jarrico.
One witness saw a woman dressed in a full length faux fur coat, hurling profanities and saying something about the worst Tinder date ever before proceeding to launch gifts at Santa. Another witness was scared to identify the attacker for fear of retaliation, citing, “snitches get stitches”
Cameras captured the moment the attacker leaped into Santa’s Sleigh and took off. Calls to Lanai Jarrico’s rep were immediately answered and her alibi was established. She was writing an article at the time of the attack and waiting for her Instacart order so it would not have been possible. Her rep went on to say Ms. Jarrico has a doppelganger that goes around Second Life impersonating her for tips and frequents strip clubs as a guest dancer.
Lanai is embarrassed and offended for being accused of attacking Santa Clause and feels it will ruin her reputation. As far as accusations of stripping, she said, “It wasn’t me but if it was, stripping is a serious sport that shouldn’t be frowned upon.”. She wants to press charges for slander immediately following the arrest of the perpetrator.
One reporter managed to get a quick comment from Santa before he passed out and was rushed to the nearest Veterinary clinic by Rudolph for observation.
Santa mumbled what the reporter made out to be “Ho Ho Ho” but after reviewing his Instagram live recording, it turned out that he really cried out “That Hoe Ow Ow”.
Santa was treated and released for a concussion, bruises and several lumps a few hours later into the custody of his estranged wife, Mrs. Clause.
If anyone has any information regarding this atrocity, share in the comment box below
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