Avie Poll Monogamy vs Polyamory Relationships in SL - Becca Drascol Reporting...

Understanding the difference between the two:

Monogamy, of course, is when two people are in a committed relationship and do not stray from the relationship. While there are many varying types of Polyamorous relationships, the basis is being in a relationship with two or more partners with all partners knowing and agreeing to such a relationship. There are of course rules and boundaries in both types of relationships with the exception that monogamy consists of just two partners.

Monogamy or Polyamory... is one better than the other?:

Most people cannot or will not wrap their minds around something less conventional such as a poly relationship. Polyamory is considered an open relationship and is practised as such. While some in a poly relationship still believe it a committed relationship just with more than one partner. Which is better? To pit the two types of relationships against one another is a matter of not only opinion but preference as well as a lifestyle choice.  Let’s find out what some of SL’s residents say about monogamy vs polyamory.

Interviews:

Becca Drascol: When considering SL relationships, let’s talk about Monogamy vs Polyamory. What are your views?:

TheGameMatthewJames2005 Resident: I feel the polyamory can be very complicated due to feelings because you can get attached to someone and then you know they are also seeing someone else, and it can make things very complicated.  Personally, like monogamy, because I’m not a person who shares but to each their own and if there are those who are into poly, hey more power to you, because I couldn’t do it lol.

Cybertgirl Gynoid: I know that  Monogamy is the rule in  RL  but  SL is a  different world with so many temptations around and  I  will guess  Polyamory suits better in SL.

MasterVemon13inc Resident: My point of view for both of them, are some can be very trustful relationship one on one but with other sometime cause problem with others and they well being, so my view if both the person are loving to each other then yes they can make it happen. Monogamy vs polygram drama can be draw into but at the same time if fun but understand each other.  Poly can have issue with each other is all about build trust and bound frist.

Caremila Resident: I think both sides has its up and downsides. Neither side is a better than the other its all individual what is best for every person. I myself are very Monogamous but just cause of that I don’t look down on those who aint. It is just what feels right for me. I can understand those on the other side feeling they want more then what just one person can give when it comes to online times. Fetishes. Different wants and needs you get from different people. But I can’t say that one side suits everyone.

Linarie Resident: I think monogamy can be nice if someone finds the right person, but most of the people I talked to including myself comes to sl to have fun, experiment and try out things in RL they wouldn't necessarily do, so polyamory is a good option.

The Overall Opinion:

For those, I asked, it's 50/50. Both lifestyles have ups and downs. But as Linarie pointed out, most players come to SL to experience things they may not be able to RL. The Poly lifestyle is something that seems to be booming as of late and is becoming something people feel able to be more open about. I compare it to BDSM which is a lifestyle that some choose to be very open about while others live it via things such as our virtual world. Overall either lifestyle takes a commitment of one’s self to live and love in a lifestyle that suits them and their partner or partners. Afterall, all relationships are about at least two people coming together for love.

Read More

Reading between the lines - Lacy Muircastle reporting...

(Opinion piece)

It’s not easy to have a long term relationship in SL, but it is possible.  It boils down to communication.

There’s no such thing as long term relationships in SL you say?  I beg to differ. It may not be du jour but I know a number of avatars and their human counterparts who’ve had significant long term relationships in SL and even those that have gone RL and led to marriage.

None of us are untouched by love. It’s a basic human need to be desired and nurtured and therefore it goes without saying that this rings true in Second Life too. Granted there are many degrees and standards by which we all live (and love) but it’s safe to say that we each have an understanding of relationships. They begin when we connect with another avatar in this instance. But where do they end?

Though not unheard of, long-term relationships are fairly rare in the virtual world where we’re less likely to enter into such a hefty commitment. So what do we enter into, and why? And why do we seeing such a high rate of partner churn?

We often enter into relationships with a heady and optimistic outlook. We’re in love! Or at the very least we think we are. Yet we are privy to overlooking the more pragmatic reasons for commitment, and in those moments of passion and daring we can overlook the most important factor:

Are we compatible?

There are two ways to look at it really, but both answers start with the same question. How well do we know ourselves? If we can fundamentally understand what it is we are dealing with, we can proceed with honesty and care and we can generally reach a positive outcome. But we need to know what we are dealing with.

When two people fall in love and enter a commitment, there needs to be a level of understanding. Both need to know who the other is and they must know the core values of both themselves and their prospective partner. If you begin to learn these things further down the track, the situation can get complicated quickly.

We each have different backgrounds, different views. We belong to different religions, and have differing views on politics. We belong to different sports teams (this can be bigger than you think!), have different kinds of relationships with other members of our family, and friends.

We need to understand these things about each other before we continue. When we know ourselves, we can teach each other, we can begin the wonderful journey of discovery. And then we are left with two possibilities, we can either be compatible in our views, or we can differ somewhat in our opinions but agree to always respect the others ideas. Compatible, or compatibly in agreement.

Key Values

Partnership break up rates are high. One of the most common reasons is that we get lost in the ‘role’ of our partnership and we lose our identities, but infidelity ranks highest as the most significant reason partnerships dissolve in SL. Another reason for partnership dissolution is that we get involved for the wrong reasons, or we do not significantly understand what it is we’re getting involved with. We leap before we think, and it is only later that we begin to learn that our core values are exceedingly incompatible.

The silver lining is that things can be truly helped by communication. If we’re honest, and kind, and we talk openly about ourselves and proceed with love and care, we have a much greater chance of something great coming to fruition. A good relationship is an agreement between two people. You work out what works for the two of you — and it’s always different — and then you stick to it. It really can be as simple as that. At the end of the day, we can’t know exactly what will happen and things happen in life that change us. Our views can shift, and we can react to situations in ways that we never thought possible. But what we CAN do is be as prepared as possible. Trust our guts. And communicate.

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said. The art of reading between the lines is a lifelong quest of the wise.”  ― Shannon L. Alder

Read More