SLE MASCOT SERIES: Interview with a Leprechaun 2023-A Mascotnapping Job- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

BACKSTORY:

Mascot series. 

We met up with Larry in 2021, after an Avatar Anonymous meeting. He was kicked out for trying to attack several of the members. He’s dating a fairy stripper he met at a club named Mercedes.  Her crib gets robbed of all of Larry’s gold and now Larry is trying to find out who did it - only a handful of mascots knew about it. The Easter Bunny and Uncle Sam are prime suspects. Cupid couldn't have done it, he’s too busy trying to hook up with the CEO of SLE and paying off a few fines he racked up this past Valentine’s day. Santa is on his own shit and Baby New year ain’t got time for all that.

This year is no different than any other year when it comes to holiday mascots and their shenanigans. Since last year all but one mascot graduated from the extended NA program and went on with their lives except for one who lost a big toe in a fruit fight and relapsed. 

Sorry I cannot divulge who it was due to HIPAA laws but let's just say they won’t miss out on this year's holiday assignment. With Larry in the mascot witness protection program, I managed to get a hold of his 12th cousin three times removed on his father’s side to take over the position this year. He seems a little too tall to be a leprechaun and reminds me of Leisure Suit Larry.  Anyway… After a thorough background check, I decided to meet up with him at a safe location while there was still daylight to conduct an interview for the job.

Interview with Larry XII

Lanai: Thank you for meeting with me at the airport  Larry…  *waits while her bodyguard pats him down*

Larry XII: Hey there Ms. Jarrico, from what my cousin tells me you are all business. I kinda figured you’d have me frisked instead of a formal handshake.

Lanai: A lady can’t be too cautious. *smirks*

Larry XII: Understood. So why did you want to meet me? If you want to know where my cousin is, I promised him I wouldn’t tell you he’s back in Ireland starting his own Shamrock dispensary called Dublin’s Best.

Lanai: Remind me never to tell you a secret…Anyway,  I brought you here today to offer you a very important job. St Patrick’s day is right around the corner and I need you to handle some business for me. There is a large shipment coming in on March 13th and I need you to unload it from the Blake Sea Dock #13, the container is labeled LJBossB1tchSLE but it has to be at night and you have to dress like a woman. 

Larry XII: WTF? He warned me not to make a deal with you….I’d rather work for the woman who inspired “The Devil wears Prada”!

Lanai: *sighs and looks at her side muscle and nods at him*

Larry XII: OK! OK! But The number 13 is very unlucky for the Irish ya know… *cautiously steps back* what do you need me to do?

Lanai:  First, visit a couple of freebie shops and put together the most awful outfit you can muster up. Go with the Madea look. Then pick up a couple of cans of bear spray and a selfie stick..

Larry XII: Is this some kind of joke?

Lanai: *looks at him sideways* Well yeah. Now listen up…

Larry XII: Listening…

Lanai: Here’s a burner phone. When I call you I will give you the code to the lock on the cargo crate, from there you are to pull up in your minivan… grab, and go. 10 minutes tops. I will be waiting on the lower levels of the dock near a yellow van. 

Larry XII: What exactly am I grabbing? OMG, you are dragging this job out, lady

Lanai: *ignores him* Once you make it to the drop-off point with the goods, you will be rewarded handsomely. It doesn't matter what it is just know a lot of avies will benefit from it and you will be famous.

Larry XII:I am either going to regret ever meeting you or it will change my Slife. What a predicament. OK.. it’s a deal. 

To Be Continued….

WHAT COULD THE SHIPMENT BE?

MASCOT SERIES By Lanai Jarrico

Previously in February 2023….

Interview with Cupid http://www.slenquirer.com/2023/02/interview-with-cupid-2023-lanai-jarrico.html

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Unlucky St. Patrick’s Day- Interview with Larry the Leprechaun- Lanai Jarrico Reporting..

BACK STORY:

Mascot series. We met up with Larry, after an Avatar Anonymous meeting. He was kicked out for trying to attack several of the members. He’s dating a fairy stripper he met at a club named Mercedes.  Her crib gets robbed of all of Larry’s gold and now Larry is trying to find out who did it - only a handful of mascots knew about it. The Easter Bunny and Uncle Sam are suspects. Cupid couldn't have done it, he’s too busy trying to hook up with the CEO of SLE. Santa be on his own shit and Baby New year ain’t got time for that.

EPISODE 1- Unlucky St. Patrick’s Day- Interview with Larry the Leprechaun

Here’s something that will blow your mind…Did you know St. Patrick was actually kidnapped as a teen from Roman Britain and taken to Ireland as a slave. He wasn’t actually Irish but throughout his life until his death on March 17th, 461, he established churches, schools, and monasteries. Through the centuries there have been many legends surrounding St. Patrick. One of the most common is the legends he drove all the snakes out of Ireland and used a shamrock to explain the trinity.

St. Patrick’s day originated as a day of religious services and feasts. This holiday was brought to the United States by immigrants where it is a celebration of all things Irish, including annual parades. Today, St. Patrick’s Day is a holiday that is celebrated by many around the world, not just by the Irish culture. It has turned into an annual tradition for observers to eat, drink, wear green, and party with friends and family. 

In Second Life it is a different story…

We aren’t sure how Leprechauns and the idea of a pot of gold, getting lucky and even Lucky Charms; a children's cereal became a thing on St. Patrick’s Day, but in Second Life at an AA Meeting I came across Larry the Leprechaun and before I can even Introduce myself and start sharing my SL grievances with my peers, he got slapped hard by the Easter Bunny in front of everyone. 

(At an Avatar Anonymous meeting where a commotion erupts between Larry and the Easter Bunny)

Earl The Easter Bunny: *SLAP* Like Sweet Brown said… “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

The Spirit of Joan Rivers: Well shit! Get a hotel room for that.

Lanai: Woahhh What’s going on here?

Earl The Easter Bunny: This clown right here had it coming.  I’m only in this stupid meeting due to a court order but I’m no criminal!

Lanai: Well keep your paws to yourself, that was rude. So Larry,  Can I talk to you? *helps him off the ground after witnessing an attack from a fellow mascot.*

Larry the Leprechaun: *straightening out his jacket and dusts himself off as he stands back up to his feet and looks over* Who are you and how did you know my name?

Lanai: Hi my name is Lanai and I'm a reporter for SLE and “Larry”  is on your name tag?.... Me and everyone else couldn’t help but notice that slap you just received from the Easter Bunny. So why are you arguing with your peers at an AA Meeting?  Aren't you participating in these meetings to improve your self esteem and character as an upstanding Second Life avatar? Aside from that, it’s St. Patrick’s Day! Shouldn’t you be out protecting your pot of gold or something?

Larry the Lep: *looks down at his name tag and cusses ripping it off and tossing it on the ground* A reporter? That is all I need right now, no, I need the police! Someone stole my pot of gold from my girlfriend Mercedes’s house and I need to find it! I know it had to be one of these muppets in there. I will find out who did it! Damn it.

Lanai: Calm down... So when was the last time you saw Mercedes and your pot of gold?

Larry the Lep:* looks like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum as he jumps up and down* 

Calm down?!? Calm Down? That is me gold we are talking about lassy, me GOLD! The gold was at her place in her bedroom closet on Monday, I remember seeing the most beautiful glow coming from underneath the door, it was magnificent. I’m not sure why she isn’t at the meeting…

Bernie: It ain’t my business.

The spirit of Joan Rivers: Who gives a sh*t? F you and you , and him too.

Lanai: Joan… Be nice to your peers this meeting is supposed to empower. 

Santa: Ho! Ho! Ho! Where’s the peppermint creamer?

Spirit of Joan Rivers: Oh Shut up Nick!

 Lanai: There is a lot of pent up energy in this meeting today. We may have to switch to lavender tea… Look Larry, something sounds amiss. Do you know if Mercedes had anyone over in the past couple of days or did you tell anyone else about your stashed loot?

Bernie: Don’t mind me. I’m just chillin…

Spirit of Joan Rivers: F*ck off.

Larry the Lep: Bernie why are you even here?  Anyways…. What! My Mercedes?!?! She wouldn’t have anyone else over, she loves me, oh my lovely lassy, she is one for the pages of my heart I say.. NO she wouldn’t have anyone else over or tell anyone about me gold!

Bernie: Rude.

Lanai: Leave Bernie alone! This meeting is open to anyone going through viral meming and virtual world issues!  Mercedes. Her name sounds familiar….Wait.. Isn’t she that tooth fairy who got busted with glitter dust a year ago? The one that works at “The Burnt Mushroom” Strip Club on the east side? If that’s the one… it sounds like Mercedes was a gold digger and had a serious addiction. Anyways. I remember a conversation with Cupid a few months back. He mentioned she can’t be trusted. I think he was hittin’ that but who am I to gossip…

Larry the Lep: HEY! She was holding that for a friend, she doesn’t do glitter dust….anymore.. But anyway it doesn’t matter where she works, she is just putting herself through college for her Cupcake Decorating degree, she is going to make something of herself! As for Cupid, he only WISHES he could tap that! Mercedes has standards you know.

Lanai: I see.  That's what the unicorn said…. She is still workin the pole.  Fine, maybe we are talking about different fairies… So anyways, Larry… Can I call you that? It’s St. Patrick’s day and I wanted to educate our readers on how you came about being the holiday mascot.

The Unicorn: Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

Larry the Lep: St Patty this St Patty that! F him and F all that. Can’t you see we are in a crisis here lassy! I’m missing me pot of gold! You promise to help me find me pot of gold, I will give your readers the education of our holiday you want. 

Lanai: OK fine stop being hostile geez. I will help you find your pot of gold.  I’m not even sure where to start but Cupid and the Easter Bunny seem suspish. If the rumors are true, Cupid would know what Mercedes’s bedroom looks like...but the way I saw you get dropped by the Easter Bunny, maybe he has your gold. Rumor around the grid is, he is 1,000,000L behind on his child support. You know how rabbits have kids...

Spirit of Joan Rivers: MMhmmm

Earl the Easter Bunny: Umm I’m sitting right here.

Bernie: Rude.

Uncle Sam: *whispers to Santa* This is getting good.

Larry the Lep: Don’t be a gowl, the damn bunny got a lucky shot when I was trying to buckle my boots. As for Cupid, knowing Mercedes' room, he wishes, maybe only the pics that I shared umm I mean the description of how nice the room is, that is the only way he would know. But both of them are sex-crazed they wouldn’t be after me pot, Well yes, maybe the bunny cause he hits them and leaves them with many kids but I am thinking it is the Tooth Fairy, to be honest, he was always a little jealous of Mercedes and me since she dumped him for a real Leppy. 

Earl the Easter Bunny: Don’t catch another slap Larry.

Lanai: *stares at the Easter Bunny*  You have a good point there Larry. The tooth fairy does seem like a shady individual. What grown-ass man named Tammy wears a pink tutu and wings? Sounds like a creep to me.  He couldn't be here today because I heard he’s locked up for unpaid parking tickets.

Larry the Lep: Creepy you are right, I mean this man goes into children’s rooms in the middle of the night to steal TEETH! I mean come on, and how does he pay for those teeth? Maybe with fencing stolen GOLD huh??!?!

Lanai: Let me investigate. *pulls out her black book* We might have a story here.

After multiple attempts to contact Cupid, he could not be reached.

Earl the Easter Bunny:  “Larry is a raging alcoholic who is very forgetful. I bet he spent all his gold at the Blarney Stone Pub. We all know how they like to protect their own no matter who they step on. I was defending myself at the meeting because he was accusing me and everyone else. Maybe you should ask Uncle Sam.”

Uncle Sam: Oh noooo see that sign over there? It says No Drama Zone!  Don’t even include me in this mess I have a whole economy and a pandemic of my own to worry about. I don’t know him, Mercedes, or anyone else this little fool hangs out with so remove me from your suspect list. I come to Avatar Anonymous meetings to help with my public speaking skills. Maybe you should ask Santa, he seems to know who's been naughty or nice.

Santa: Uncle Sam is always trying to throw someone under the sleigh… According to my records, Sam was inciting a riot at The Linden Labs Headquarters on that day and all of the accused have alibis that check out except for one. Cupid was at a chest wax appointment during the hours in question. The Easter Bunny was in court with all his baby mommas and Mercedes was actually giving a lap dance to Orion Baral from your newspaper on that day and they went back to her place.

Lanai: Oh really now? So are you saying maybe SLE is somehow involved? This just got really interesting… Soooo Orion what do you know about the missing gold?

Orion Baral: First off, it wasn’t filmed pictured, or sketch drawn, I didn’t do it. You know me better than this, I wouldn't go to a low strip club. I am very loyal and wouldn’t hurt SLE’s reputation being seen there. As for this Mercedes girl, I met her once at a Business Seminar only, I didn’t go anywhere with her, I said hi and politely complimented she had nice wings, that was all.

Lanai: Hmmm. I do recall you going on a recent shopping spree a couple of days ago… OK Meeting is over!

Well, folks there you have it, we are just reporters, we are not detectives. We ask you the good people of SL to help us find who stole Larry’s pot of gold.  Please leave your comments below and help us find the culprit! We rely on you, the people. 

TO BE CONTINUED….

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Interview with a Leprechaun- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

Every year I like to track and find holiday mascots in Second Life and interview them. Of them all the leprechaun seems to be the most elusive. After turning over every mesh rock and braving the thick forest of the SL countryside I finally found one!  Leroy the Leprechaun was a strange character and obvious drunk or on some type of shamrock crack. We sat down for a talk until things got weird.

Interview with Leroy the Leprechaun

Lanai: Gotcha you little rascal!

Leroy: Let me go you oversized child!

Lanai: Now Now Leroy, there is no need to be rude. Relax, I just want to talk to you. I will let you go under one condition. You sit and talk to me without vanishing and I’ll waive the pot of gold owed to me for catching you.

Leroy: Fair enough cail’in. *straightens is little green suit* OMG! What are you doing?

Lanai: If there is one thing I’ve learned about Leprechauns it is they are not to be trusted on words alone so you will remain handcuffed to me until we are done.

Leroy: I didn’t know you were that type of girl! *smirks*

Lanai: Anyway,  there is a lot you don’t know about me. Would you like to find out? *hold up a stick*

Leroy: Ohhh into BDSM? Nooo that’s OK m’Lady! So what is it you’d like to talk about?

Lanai: Well, this was a harsh winter and I feel like the grid is recovering from it. I think the residents need some inspiration and new found enthusiasm. The grid seems kind of uneventful lately so I was wondering what you think should be done about St. Patrick’s Day.

Leroy: Well first of all pretty lady, these cuffs are too tight and second, that is not my problem I’m just a Leprechaun minding my own business and trying to keep from being captured. Blame the morale of the grid on Santa, I heard he gave out a record breaking amount of coal this past Christmas.

Lanai: I know, I’m still trying to figure out how to remove the gigantic pile of coal he left in my yard. I’ll be sure to write him a long letter about that. But seriously from your perspective how can we get the grid into St. Patrick’s Day?

Leroy: well from my ground level perspective. Some people need a swift kick in the pants and ejected off the grid. They don’t bring any luck to this holiday. They bring misery and mess. There are just too many arrogant people here these days and a bunch of lazy ones who seem to want something for nothing or stick to the old routine of things and aren’t innovative. I mean look at me? With the new mesh avatars on the market, I still look like a pasty noob because people with red beards of shorter stature are being left out. What about leprechauns?!? *sighs* Nobody gives a shouting shamrock about us.

Lanai: Yea… you do need a serious makeover but is that your only gripe?

Leroy: Of course not.  What is up with all the venue owners who don’t even know how to run a business? Half of them don’t even have up St. Patty’s Day decorations. What are they a bunch of Anti St. Patrick’s Day Bah Humbugs?  I think they are a waste of space on the grid and only add to the clutter.

Lanai: You seem pretty upset about that but you have a point. What do you think should be done?

Leroy: It would be nice to see everyone in green on St. Patrick’s Day. I think it is the only way to gauge how big this holiday is in Second Life. I also think it would be nice if Linden Labs actually interacted more with the grid and hosted official holiday events where everyone is invited. Not just their annual Birthday. Honestly I think it is lame. Poor residents wanting to be involved in SL’s birthday seem to be the only ones really putting in the effort to even make that possible. Official LL Parties will give residents a chance to meet new people and socialize on a grander scale in the community. It can also rid the grid of all the lame uninhabited venues too.  I mean who wouldn’t want to go to a Linden hosted St. Patrick’s Day event? I would be there.

Lanai:  Interesting idea. But there is no time to get that organized now.

Leroy: I may be small but my brain isn’t the size of a sunflower seed. The Lindens really need to implement incentives for this community or else boredom will set in and continue to hinder the growth of the population. I was recently at the bar with Cupid and he said the same thing. Where’s the love?

Lanai: *nods* With all the talk about the new Second Life grid many people are on the fence about applying new ideas. Some are even afraid of a total SL collapse due to people leaving this grid for the new one. But enough about that though.  So, Leroy what will you be doing on St. Patrick’s Day and speaking of cupid how is he doing? That guy never called me back.

Leroy: In regards to Cupid, he’s a player and he obviously got what he wanted from you. About St. Patrick’s day, I haven’t the slightest clue. The only thing I know is once I’m out of these cuffs, I’ll be off staying out of sight and trying to figure out why that stupid  dress went viral recently. Who gives a green glittered terd if it was white and gold or black and blue….It should have been green…

Lanai: *&$%! You Leroy nothing happened between Cupid and I. If anything he drank too much love potion on Valentine’s Day and ended up crying on my shoulder the whole time about erectile dysfunction and a crooked arrow. Anyway, of all the news, why would that dress be your biggest concern?

Leroy: Why would it go viral? I’d rather watch videos of screaming jackasses on loop for all eternity.

Lanai: Sounds serious.  I guess you have a point. People are just bored even off the grid. With that said. I hope everyone in Second Life has a great St. Patrick’s Day anyway. I know I will.

Leroy:  Hey, if you aren’t doing anything special that day. Look me up and you might get lucky!

Lanai: I will consider myself lucky if I don’t ever see you again! Get lost before I claim my pot of gold and beat you with this stick.

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Happy St. Patrick’s Day- Interview with a Leprechaun- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

St Patrick’s Day is observed on March 17^th, known as an Irish holiday celebrated for the past 1,000 years. It occurs during the Christian holiday of Lent.  Lenten observers are prohibited from eating meat during this time and the Irish who participate in the traditions of St. Patty’s Day activities join in with dancing, drinking and feasting on traditional meals, including Irish bacon and cabbage.  The tradition in America is very similar in the drinking aspect of this day.  Everything is covered in green, from the Leprechaun hats,  beads and shamrock garland draped across everything, to the infamous green beer and pub crawls. You don’t even have to be Irish to partake in the festivities or the major hangover that follows.

Leprechauns seem to be the popular mascot for this holiday. Legend has it these feisty little folklore icons are mischievous and enjoy being practical jokers. Like other fairy creatures, they can be traced back to the Tuatha De’ Danann of Irish mythology.  Apparently they collect gold coins for making shoes and store them in a pot, hence the “pot of gold” associated with them at the end of a rainbow. It is said that if a Leprechaun is captured by a human, they must grant three wishes in order to be set free.  I wonder if this is true in Second Life too….

Interview with a Leprechaun

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