As you all know, Second life is like a never ending Spring Break for many who like to let their hair down and get a little wild and crazy all from the comfort of their favorite gaming chair or worn out couch. The best part is you get to be a real freak and no one in your real life has to know!
I met up with “Jaylan” who would like to remain anonymous due to her high end escorting career in Second life. She has graced the grid for many years mastering her craft and leaving clients stunned and coming back for more. I was intrigued by her service menu and at first thought it was a joke but turns out she is the real deal that carries herself with grace and absolutely no shame.
Lanai: Hi Jaylan, thank you for meeting with me. I know you have a very tight schedule!
Jaylan: Hi Lanai, it has been a long time since I’ve seen you. I remember taking a pole dancing lesson with you in my newbie days. Weren’t you the one who got her strappy sandals caught on the pole and it took 4 bouncers to unravel you? You took a hard fall that day, I’m surprised you can even speak or walk. I always wondered what happened to you. I’m glad to see all your hard work paid off and you are a reporter now.
Lanai: *blinks* Remind me to omit the bit about the failed pole dancing endeavor… Don’t judge me! Anyway back to you and your successful career!
Jaylan: OK, lol. So what would you like to know? I’ll share some valuable secrets but not all!
Lanai: Well, let's begin with how you got started. Maybe it will inspire other struggling escorts in Second life?
Jaylan: It all began right after taking a pole dancing job at a shabby little hole in the wall which I refuse to name drop for street cred. The owner ended up robbing me for all of my tips by secretly adding an alpha layer over my tip jar. When I confronted him, he canned me and I was struggling to pay my tier. I bumped into an old flame who reminded me just how awesome I was at edging and this certain thing I do that he was unable to find in other girls he dated. He became my practice partner until his nagging RL wife caught him rubbing one out in the basement and I never saw him again… the rest is history!
Lanai: Well damn, I’m sure that happens a lot. People need to learn how to lock a door and have a knock policy. So he was your pimp? It's OK, it's totally legal in Second life.
Jaylan: I guess you can call him that…But just like the culture in SL, we move on fast. Kinda like speed dating on steroids.
Lanai: I agree. So, tell me a little bit about the services you offer. I’m looking at this notecard and it sounds like a joke. Is there really such a thing called the.. *looks closely at the notecard* a… Backwards camel hopscotch, which you charge a whopping 5000L for?
Jaylan: OMG, that is the best seller right there! First you have to be very flexible. Not everyone is cut out for it but those that can handle it limp away with a huge smile. I don’t want to describe it because I’m currently working on a patent but, make sure you got lots of lube and a quarter…
Lanai: Yikes, sounds sorta like one of those cheap rides at the county fair…
Jaylan: I don’t know what kind of fairs you go to but this service definitely gives you your Lindens worth!
Lanai: Ok moving on to The Boogie Man in spandex for 3652L. What can you tell me about that?
Jaylan: Well that one is more of a roleplay/ foreplay service. I personally don’t care for the spandex but you would be amazed how many couples come to me to assist them with it. It only works with the lights out so a majority of the time, I see nothing, I can just tell they are getting what they paid for by the sounds produced by both parties.
Lanai: Interesting. It definitely sounds like you're making a killing with these special services! Ok, next on your service menu is Jump slap bootie clap wham bam thank you ma'am for 500L? What’s that about?
Jaylan: Sure am. This service is exactly what it sounds like. Some people just love abuse. Can’t hate on that. Those requests are usually by men who get dumped and are looking for a quick fix rebound if you know what I mean.
Lanai: I’m not exactly sure I do but Ok. Next up, Flip flop patty wack give me the bone for a whopping 9005L!
Jaylan: OK this one is reserved for my elite clientele. The ones who are most successful in Second life and come from a variety of businesses, mainly sim owners and in the top 5 best brands on the Grid. I take special care to accommodate them during their rare free time. The last client that experienced “the bone” as I like to call it, was so pleased by it that they referred a couple of friends and now they request it regularly!
Lanai: ahhh, that still doesn't explain anything but I’m sure it will pique some curiosities amongst our readers.
Jaylan: Well, if you refer a friend , just give them the discount code” Bone Lanai” and I will take good care of them. I’m sure you have friends in high places.
Lanai: Absolutely not! Can you give me a more discrete discount code.. Something like GetBoned or something. I don’t think I want my name associated with whatever eyes wide shut campaign you got going on.
Jaylan: lol Ok done. Just remind them to take some extra strength Ibuprofen a half an hour before their service.
Lanai: I don’t even know what to say to that but Ok. We are at the second to last service on this list. What can you tell me about Bitch slap weasel squeal bareback moooo for 7000L
Jaylan: This service is a tricky one and it requires 2-3 assistants for a group of 3 or more so the price can vary. I also included a bonus to anyone in the group that doesn’t pass out first within the first 3 minutes. Don’t worry I always have a paramedic on call for any of the services I provide and they sign an NDA.
Lanai: Oh well that sounds pretty ummm…. Safe I guess. Just out of curiosity have you ever been sued?
Jaylan: I can't speak on cases still pending , I’m sorry. But I will say this. Stretching and taking pain killers prior to services is highly recommended.
Lanai: Well at least you take some precautions…. Ok last service on your list… The forrest gump bump bump bam boom for 250L
Jaylan: It’s an additional add on to any of the services. I’m thinking about changing the name since nobody is into Forrest Gump anymore. I was thinking about renaming it the Shocka Deluxe if the name isn’t already patented.
Lanai: Is it fair to say it has something to do with hanging loose?
Jaylan: Exactly, but there is more to it then 2 fingers and a thumb…
Lanai: Well I have to say, this was a very… informative and interesting interview. Thank you for sharing your services and expertise in your unique craft. Is there anything else you’d like to share with our readers before we go our separate ways?
Jaylan: Actually I do while I have this very public platform. Whoever keeps sending me bags of D*cks, please stop. I have no control of spouses who use my services behind their significant others backs, nor am I responsible for oops pregnancies in group services and accidental fungal STD’s. That guy in New York has never used our services!
Lanai: OK Then…. Thank you for taking the time to meet with me. I hope you have a very prosperous year and we can meet up again for updates!
Jaylan: I look forward to it. Thank you Lanai!
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Jaylan’s Full service Menu Notecard
Thank you for your interest in this ridiculously sexy body of mine and my services. You are correct, you will not find anything in Second Life that would blow your wig back like I do. You came to the right avie.
I've taken the liberty of providing you with the best rates in Second Life for the following:
Backwards camel hopscotch.................5000L
The Boogie Man in spandex.....................3652L
Jump slap bootie clap wham bam thank you maam........500L
Flip flop patty wack give me the bone............9005L
Bitch slap weasel squeal bareback moooo..........7000L
The forrest gump bump bump bam boom....250L
*Maximum Strength Ibuprofen is highly recommended before and after services.
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