Do you think there is the way to find her email or
something? I just want to hear from
her... Do you think, contacting support to ask for her email will help? ”
SommerDai86 [name changed]”
Taken from
https://community.secondlife.com/t5/General-Discussion-Forum/bd-p/GeneralDiscussionForum
There are many of us who’ve experienced that exact feeling that
SommerDai86 expresses in her forum letter.
The concern, the frustration after someone is here with us in SL one day
and abruptly gone the next day. There
are a few ways someone can “ghost” in SL.
The oldest meaning of ‘ghosting’ in world is when your Avi appears
online but is actually offline. A
glitch.
Then there is being ‘ghosted’ by someone when they abruptly unfriend
you or stop communicating with you. The
most familiar form of ghosting to most people in world is having someone you know
*poof* for a long time or forever.
As SommerDai86 struggles with the loss of her friend, she posts the
question, will support (LL) give her an email address. No LL guards our privacy and will not release
or assist anyone in finding a missing Avi.
I agree with LL that it is completely up to each individual to decide
who may contact them outside of SL and how they may do so. Then how can one cope with a loss such as
this one?
One person responding on the
forum offered her this advice:
“I'd start by IM'ing her as well as sending her a private message through
the website that you miss her and asking when she may be returning. Her
IM's may go to her email if she has it set up this way. I'd send the PM
to her in case she can access the website but not SL itself for some reason.
Also, check with mutual friends to see if they have had any word of her.
This is about all you can do. Take heart, she probably had something
unexpected come up in RL that has prevented her from logging in and she will
return when she is able to. Usually if people are leaving SL they will tell
their close friends that that is their intention. AmethsGrun”
That is all that can be done if one of your friends ‘ghosts’ you. Many people return to SL, there is no guarantee
that someone will return after ghosting for a long period of time. Many people come back using new Avi’s leaving
their old SL behind. If your only
contact is in world, you will have to move on at this point.
Some people who you considered to be your friends may stop communicating
abruptly or unfriend you without incident or warning. This is another form of ghosting. It parallels IRL ghosting where someone cuts
off all texting contact without a word.
This is usually done by less mature individuals unable to talk about
what they are feeling. Here is an
explanation excerpted from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ghosting:
“The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject
is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee
will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to
the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.
Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to
the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify
ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings,
but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting
often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated
how he/she feels.”
This leaves
resentment and hurt feelings by the ghostee.
In SL we can send notecards, yet some people still have trouble
communicating their disinterest in any form.
Why do people
disappear from SL and become a ghost?
There are as many reasons as there are Avi’s in world. The predominant reason is something in real
life takes over, and that’s how it should be, real life first. The problem is that there are real life
feelings left behind in SL. Here are
some ideas borrowed from other people to explain why someone left SL:
“I once lost a friend and tried tracking her down
over many months by joining her listed groups and asking mutual friends as to
her whereabouts. Finally, one day she
contacted me. She told me rl had taken over and SL had become too busy so she
hid herself and came in SL anonymously. Sometimes people need a break, even
from themselves.”
“A dear friend poofed. I was frantic. She finally came back a few months
later and I demanded her RL email. I couldn't take it. Now she's on Facebook,
so I know she's ok. Maybe she has an
Alt.”
“She may not be able to come on, because of bad storms-look how many lost
power and homes in the last year alone! She could also have not been able to
afford her internet, or home, etc. She may have had to shut down. “
“Chances are if someone is a very good friend they would give you other ways
to contact them than sl..."
“If she wanted to contact you, she knows where to find you.
It's really sad that so many don't get that there are real RL feelings
behind everything that happens in SL even if it's just RP'ing for a lot of
ppl...”
That reveals the truth of the situation. If someone wanted you to find them
they would have told you how to do it.
When I had a very good friend ghost, I contacted many of our mutual
friends, messaged her on Facebook and emailed her. All were tied to the SL identity that I knew
her as when she left SL. She hasn’t come
back and that was about a year ago.
Through our mutual friends I found support and new friendships. Eventually I was just fine. The lesson here is to think twice about
ghosting in any form. If you feel you
need to leave SL, try to tell those important to you. In the end, do what you need to do to survive
all worlds and minimize the damage to all.
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