What follows are the results of extensive research where we surveyed dozens of Subject Matter Experts on the topic. We have distilled the collected wisdom from 33 of those experts. Altogether, these individuals have amassed over four CENTURIES of residency in SecondLife, totaling 435 years of experience! Let me encourage you to read and heed their guidance and suggestions as you navigate your own way through the pleasure and pitfalls of “love on the grid”
In Part 1 of our series, our panel of experts identified some of the more cringeworthy mistakes that noobs make during cyber sex. You can read Part 1 by going to:
http://www.slenquirer.com/2022/01/cybersex-101-noob-guide-to-love-on-grid.html
In Part 2, we looked at what our seasoned experts believe makes for a particularly good Cybersexual encounter,
http://www.slenquirer.com/2022/03/cybersex-101-part-2-noob-guide-to-love.html
Finally, here in Part 3, we will wrap up our series with an open question to allow our seasoned experts to expand on anything else they wanted to share about the topic
I asked our panel of experts “Is there anything else on the topic [of Cybersex] you would like to share?”
The answers from our panel basically fell into “The Three As”
Quality AVATAR,
Quality ATTITUDE
Quality ACTIONS.
Let’s take a look at these one at a time.
Quality Avi
Our panelists had a lot to say about the importance of a decent-looking Avatar. In these days of Mesh and BOM, the experienced person looks to see that a potential sexual partner takes pride in how they look. SL is largely a visual medium…so make sure the visuals are First Class Specific comments included:
“The quality of your AVI matters, just like in RL. It is your first impression. Make it a good one. Oh and this is very important too...if you meet a really good-looking guy, all meshed up, etc…and only two or three months old, just be cautious. Unless learning how to mesh up has been made easier to do, then it does take time to learn the ropes in SL...the good places to go to for shapes and skins, and clothes and hair. When a two-day-old "newbie" has a perfect avatar, you know it is not a "newbie" but an alt.”
“In SL, as in most things, you will get out of it what you put into it. If you want to come in with a base avatar and pose hop, that is fine, but you will probably find the encounters less than exciting after the first few. Put effort into it, and you will reap the rewards. Your avatar, your approach, your seduction...all of it comes together to make the experience much more intense than what is just on the screen. Like I said, as with most things in life, you get out of it exactly what you put into it. Good luck, and happy F**king!”
“For the females, the better you look, the more IMs you will get --- but be picky. Make sure that there is a click between you two. Do you find him attractive? Does he make you laugh? Trust me, once you find yourself in bed with him better to find this out first, than doing a fake crash on the guy”
Quality Attitude
In SL, as well as in RL, great sex starts with a great attitude. Some of our panelists had a lot to share on this particular item
“You must like it to be able to enjoy it. If you like it is the best activity of SL (along with building things.)”
“There are many different types of people you meet. Somewhere out there is a person you can relate to. You can share your wants and needs with. Take your time exploring with others until you find the one that captures your whole being. It is well worth the wait. There are so many things you can explore here that you might never try in RL. Explore them and find your wants and desires it will make you a better person... The most important thing I have found is...ALWAYS be yourself...be true to yourself...Don’t change who you are for someone else. and always be honest with your feelings...You won’t go wrong that way. 😊”
“It's really about understanding people. We all are different and have different needs and attractions. For me, it really helps to know someone before having cyber sex with them. I enjoy getting to know the person and that makes the sexual experience much more titillating and fun. Learn all you can about SL and be respectful of the people in it.”
“The main thing is to relax and have fun. This is Second Life. It isn't here to replace your regular life. Don't get hung up and clingy with someone. Don't be too pushy either. Just keep everything relaxed. Having a fun interaction is all it is about, paying attention to the other person and connecting with them.”
“Don’t be “thirsty” .. don’t private message a bunch of girls at the same time with the same line. You should really let people message you if they are interested. Or maybe you could chat in local first.”
“Watch what they say vs what they do...meaning actions vs words! That is very, very important.”
“It’s best to not have expectations...other than that...just have Fun. After all, SL is supposed to be fun!!
And what is this “Emoting” thing everyone talks about?
“I think a whole article could be dedicated to the subject of emoting. The problem is many don’t know how or don’t want to learn. Responding, "mmmmmmm", or "MMMhMMM!" to everything I say, is not emoting. Describe how I look, and how you feel when I touch you or when you touch me. That is emoting. Another big mistake is, telling your partner what they are doing, feeling, or experiencing. That practice is almost as bad as telling me to [climax], 3 seconds after you [enter me]”
“Build the tension. and never approach someone and say your cute let’s f**k!”
One of the most often quoted pieces of advice here is:
“Always remember that there is a real person behind the avatar. Just because we CAN be anonymous doesn’t mean we need to ACT like idiots. Be kind to people. There is a human behind every keyboard........ not everyone is here just to f**k.”
Quality Actions
So….you have yourself a Quality Avi and you have a Quality Attitude. Finally, you need to tie these together with Quality Actions.
“Don’t rush. Take your time. Look around and pay attention to how things are done here: I can't tell you how many times some noob on his first day in SL, dressed in a freebie avatar, has come to me and said "I want sex with you" or things like that. But that’s the point... they need to KNOW they don’t know how things are done here.”
Choose your setting carefully. Cheesy animations that leave you with whiplash as you rocket through the positions are no fun for anyone.
“Script makers of all those sex beds and couches still haven't figured out creating real-life physics and dynamics for avatars to where movements are lined up realistically and automatically. We still see avatars in love-making positions merging body parts into each other: legs into torsos, arms, elbows, hands into heads and eyeballs, cocks into butt cheeks or thighs. Sexual intercourse is hit or miss where it often doesn't even look like sexual parts actually fit into each other. Especially when a man has an oversized appendage and it pops out of the tummy of a woman. The sex AOs is still a frustrating mess.”
“For many, the idea of cyber sex is just the act, but unless you are devoid of rational thought, you will quickly realize that the experience is and will be as good as the effort you put into it. As in all things, strike the right mood by going somewhere romantic, like the Grand Canyon Sims, where private areas abound and make the whole evening special. Don't forget that women appreciate intimacy more than just going for the goal line. Do not assume that everyone in SL is just here for the sex. A nice date and foreplay are a plus.”
“Do not expect a person to orgasm, male or female or trans, almost immediately upon sexual activity. Foreplay should be fun. Dancing can be a great foreplay start to cybersex/, oh you might want something by role-playing, RP.”
Regarding Voice and/or Camera
Some people like to introduce voice immediately into the process. Others do not
“NO, I do not want to hear your bassy sex voice, your deep breathing, or your lisp. I don't want to hear your stupid sex chat in any way, shape, or form. It totally ruins the immersion for me because people rarely sound as expected.”
Some people like the idea of seeing the RL behind the Avi. Many do not. Tread carefully here, and be sure you are both in full agreement
“NO, I am not camming for you. I do not want you to record me, nor do I wish to see your bearded face, your acne, your bird chest, your weird-looking penis, your crooked teeth or frazzled hair - I don't even want to see a picture of you - Camming is a serious invasion of my privacy and crosses all of my boundaries by a mile.”
“Insisting with Cam or Voice after I said NO the first time will get you blocked. especially if you have the insolence of suggesting that I hide from those around me or similar nonsense -- EXCUSE ME? I hide enough as it is. I have nothing to prove and am not taking any risks for you, STRANGER. “
One particularly observant commentator said:
“The guy has to like shopping...if he complains about it, then that is a red flag as well.”
What about “toys”
“Watching and hearing, and now being able to connect with toys makes SL even more special, adding parts to be able to rub one another make cuddling and sex more real.
And a final word of advice from our panelists
“Don't get 'caught' by RL. RL is the innocent and doesn't deserve to have to go through the trauma of finding a loved one masturbating with a cartoon girlfriend.”
So there you have it, folks. Let me encourage you to go back and check out Parts I and II of this three-part series. Go forward and “Be all you can be” in SecondLife.
See ya ‘round the grid.
Aloha
JB
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