REAL LIFE – SECONDLIFE: MARRIAGES IN THE BALANCE. JOSH (THOMAS1 BELLIC) REPORTING

Have you ever run across a couple here in SL, and learned that they are actually an RL couple as well?  I was surprised to hear that it happens more often than I had thought.  It turns out, many SL couples have RL partners who engage in Life on the Grid as well.  In some cases, they live completely separate lives on the grid.  Other married couples bring that partnership with them into SecondLife, with fully integrated homes, Jobs, and friends.

I was able to find a group of individuals who were willing to speak to me – in some cases anonymously – about their experiences here.  Read on, as they share their stories.

We got together in the SL Enquirer conference room, and I scribbled furiously as these Dual-World Participants graciously shared their stories

Josh (Thomas1 Bellic) (JB):  Do you find that living life in both worlds presented any particular challenges, or do you find it enhances your RL relationship?

Callista Lachman (CL): There can be challenges having lives in both worlds.  Working with RL schedules and finding time for family, friends, and with each other.  We have been in SL for almost 15 years and over time have set some guidelines that have helped us navigate our time and relationships in SL.  I would say for the most part, SL has enhanced our RL relationship by letting us explore new things, meet new friends and recharged our sexual relationship

Anonymous Male 1 (AM1): The initial challenge was that I was very jealous when I first found out that my wife was playing in this virtual world and having relationships with other men.  After I learned more about it and created my own avatar and started having my own SL relationships, I was more comfortable with it and surprisingly it did enhance our RL relationship for a while. Now 10 years later we enjoy talking about our separate SL lives but I wouldn’t say it enhanced our RL relationship.

Kale Rayne (KR): I find it enhances our RL as well as provides us with an outlet for sexual fantasies, adventures, and some stress relief as well.

Anonymous Female 1 (AF1): When we were both active in SL it was a mutual understanding and there were no objections or challenges. SLex was a stimulant for our RL sex. 

Anonymous Female 2 (AF2):  Living  life in both worlds does present some challenges but it doesn't enhance our  RL relationship.

Sam Hart: She got on and I watched her play for about a year,  Then I joined too.  Why should SHE get all the fun? LoL

Anonymous Female 3 (AF3):  I find it really has enhanced our relationship, in different ways at different times.  For us, seldom have we found it to be detrimental

Anonymous Female 4 (AF4):  Well...it is an "easier" alternative to RL dressing up, doing my hair, makeup, traveling to venues, and also less expensive... for example, I stayed in a wonderful SL Spa for the equivalent of only about $1

JB:  Do you interact much inworld?  Or do you pretty much pursue individual interests there?

MK:  When Sorcha is on SL, our time in SL is always together.

SK:   We have friends here that we love to hang out with. Manny DJs here and that's usually where we go hang out with our friends.

CL: We do interact in SL, but are not Partnered to each other.  When we came to SL, we helped each other figure out how everything worked... How to navigate the viewer.  How to put together our AVI.  How to build and most importantly, where to find things like Shoes & Hair! This was very important to cover up the Helmet hair and Flintstone feet everyone had back then.....lol   We've found we have different interests and agree that we each can pursue those interests separately.  Over time we each have found things that we like to do on our own and things we like to do together. 

KR: Yeah. We are pretty much together when we are online. Unless she is either shopping or working in her stores or on an adventure. Then I would be working on the clubs or music.

Shelly Hart (SH):  Well, sometimes we do….and I LOVE it.  It can be fun, and it makes feel like I am a young lady in love all over again.

On the other hand, some couples pursued individual interests….

AF1:  We pretty much do our own thing.

AF2:  I agree.  My husband and I do not interact with each other in RL. But on occasion will send messages to each other if we have a question about SL.

AM1:  Yeah.  I’d say that 99% of the time we pursue our own interests.  A few times in 10 years we interacted together, but mostly we do our own thing.

JB:  How does having two separate lives impact your RL relationship?"

RK:  Not in the least we come here to have fun and enjoy each other and all that SL has to offer.

AF4:  I would say that SL was an essential way for us to socialize with other people in environments and in ways that resembled and felt like a normal pre-pandemic social life.   We could go out to clubs... listen to live music... shop... visit each other's homes and play games... which we did before the pandemic in a safe online environment

AF1:  We have always been supportive of each other and complete trust in both worlds, so it had no impact.

AF2:  I don't think it impacts our RL relationship. that always comes first.

CL: RL always comes first, but there are times when we arrange our RL schedule around things happening in SL. Coming to SL gives us time to get away from the stresses of the RL world and socialize with new friends. SL has helped me become more confident with my sensuality and sexuality which has been a boost for our RL intimate relationship. 

AF3:  It for us has been very good., but then we have complete honesty about what we each do

AM1:  Well, we probably spend less time together because we are in separate rooms of the house on SL pursuing our own interests. But we will share and talk about some of our experiences that we've had on SL without being jealous about it. However, because we're both wrapped up in our SL lives it has taken away from our RL sex life in a big way.

JB:  Do you ever have Cybersex here with your RL Spouse?  What is that like for you?

MK:  Yes, we do.  We have found that our sex life on SL enhances our RL.

SR:  Yes, we do. It's great RL foreplay /me winks

AF3:  Yes. but mainly when one of us is away on business

CL: Yes, I do have Cybersex with my RL Spouse. It is a way for us to spend time together when we are apart from each other in RL. I feel Cybersex with my RL spouse is ok, but a little boring. I would rather have RL Sex with him, but it's a good warm-up like watching porn. 

AM1:  I think we did once for a goof and laughed through it haha....so no.

KR:  As I said earlier yes, we do and often. It is satisfying as we can at times try things we may not be willing to try in RL.

AF2:  My RL husband and I do not have cybersex in SL.

AF1:  No, never... we much prefer real-life body contact

JB:  How do you feel about marriage in SL?

MK:  To each their own. It has worked for us since 2011.

SR:  To each their own. Everyone has the right to determine what's best for them. What's great about SL is that we can MAKE our own SL what we need it or want it to be.

AF1:  SL marriage is ok for a few, and works for a few, but for the rest of the SL population it's the dumbest thing ever, and at most, and this is a guess, 99% percent don't last more than 4 months tops... every 4th profile you read is someone "Starting Over" and guess why...  

CL: : I can understand why some want to partner and marry in SL and I respect those relationships just as I do in RL, but it is not for me. Mostly what I have observed over my time in SL, is that most relationships fall apart shortly after they partner and marry.  It is nice to have someone to hang around with, but I don't want to spend all my time in SL with one person, I do that in RL. 

AF2:  I personally think that marriage in SL is silly

SH:  I love it.  I think it shows respect for one another, and how much love can be true and not just a “play toy” game

Sam Hart: yeah, it can be fun

AF3:  It may be ok for some but for us we use SL to have relationships with others , which we would not do in RL

AM1:  Did that once...I feel it’s the kiss of death for the SL relationship...too many temptations...no one is faithful. If my wife got married on here it wouldn't affect our RL relationship.

KR:  If it actually means something to the ones doing it then yes go for it. If not just get partnered with no ceremony.

 

JB:  How do you deal with the knowledge that your spouse might be having sex with other people?"

MK:  But, isn’t that is one of our reasons for being on SL? To fulfill fantasies and share pleasure with close friends?

SR:  I agree.  This is a BIG reason that we are here in the first place.  It helps us fulfill fantasies.

AF1:  I'm ok with it, I think it's cool for various reasons. 1. My partner is stimulated. 2. More often than not, it's reenacted in our bedroom in RL   

 AF2: I can honestly say that it is quite upsetting but I can't deny him that. As long as his SL relationship does not cross over into RL. 

Sam Hart:  I can deal with that.  I encourage her to have sex with others.

SH:  Well…it’s a sexual fantasy for most people.  And yes, he does encourage me to have sex with others in SL.

CL:  I know my spouse has sexual relationships with others as do I. We each have special friends and sometimes we get together and swing with them. I know who he spends time with, and he knows who I spend time with. We don't hide or sneak around behind each other’s back. I know when he is with someone, but I don't need or want to know the details.

AM1:  When I first found out that she was on SL I was insanely jealous about that...10 years later and playing on SL myself it doesn’t bother me knowing she's having pixel sex...as long as I'm not watching it.  lol

KR:  It's not a big deal, she expressed to me that she would like to play with others and I'm fine with that. It's her fantasy and I will help her fulfill it any way I can . I trust her completely and she never hides anything from me. As for me either I will watch her or join in. But I never play with others alone by MY choice.

So, there you have it, folks.  Is RL helped or hindered by SL relationships? The answer is, and I can say this beyond a shadow of doubt…..uhhh…..Maybe?

Thanks for Reading - JB