Do you believe in magic?- Anonymous Sensitive in SL

A little background, my Irish maternal grandmother was into magic, you could say a witch. From what I have been told, it is passed down through generations tracing back to Scotland and the druids. Something I knew bits and pieces about growing up but she never involved me in it or explained her practices.  

 I remember she had a shrine set up in her bedroom with saints, a bible, rosaries, and bottles of oil with rolled pieces of paper inside. I remember asking what were in the bottles, and she would just tell me they were for protection.  She also had an Ouija board tucked away on the top shelf in her laundry room. My cousin and I once brought it out and were scolded and told never to play with it. It wasn’t a toy. I never touched one ever again. There was also a Native American Chief statue in the living room with offerings of change in his lap.  All I knew was it was forbidden to take any of it or bad things would happen. 

The first incident I can remember being a result of taking change was when my little brother took some to buy candy at the local corner store. He was about seven at the time. Not soon after,  his bed caught on fire but thankfully it was put out quickly and no one was hurt. Either my brother was playing with matches or something else, it looked like a warning to me never to test magic. 

Again when I was about 12, we woke up one morning to white powder sprinkled outside our front and back door. My grandmother said it was from someone who wished us harm and she did a spell reversal and the woman/witch who had done the curse, her husband died in a tragic construction site accident while digging a trench and it collapsed a few weeks later. That convinced me that magic was real.  My grandmother passed away a week before my 13th birthday and I was devastated. She raised me up until that point.

Ever since I always felt like an outsider. Early on I realized not many were accepting of strange questions or premonitions I shared. I thought it was normal and everyone had the ability to have a “knowing” something was about to happen or details of someone’s life that would come out of thin air.

 Kids can be cruel and treat you like you have the cooties or think you are crazy. I doubted myself for many years despite the constant “coincidences” and events that I knew about before they happened. Like knowing the gender and features of an unborn baby, absorbing others’ energy, and feeling their emotions. Being in big crowds can be overwhelming.

 In high school, I freaked out a classmate who was pregnant unintentionally. We got to talking. I asked if she wanted to know what she was having and she said she was going to find out the gender at her next appointment. I told her she was having a boy with lots of dark hair. About a week later, she came up to me and said, it’s a girl with a smirk on her face, almost as if mocking me. I should have trusted science, right? But the feeling was so strong I did not back down from telling her it would be a boy because that is what I saw in my mind’s eye. When he was born with a full head of dark hair, she was shocked and had to return all the pink things she bought. 

In my teenage years, things seemed to pick up. Not only was I sensing things but starting to feel the physical effects of spirit energy and sensing things around me I could not see. The only way I can describe it is, a TV turned on in a room with no volume. It’s like static in the air. If it is something negative, I'd feel it in my chest and feel anxious.

 One summer night in particular at about 19 years old, I went out with a group of friends to a park under a bridge right outside the city where I lived. It was about 1 am-ish. As we got out of the car, me being in the back right passenger seat, I immediately felt a pull to the edge of the river. As my friends were bantering in the background.  I approached the river and stared straight out into the darkness, I could only see the water and the trees along the bank. It was eerie but something was not right.

 I started to shake with what I can only describe as a deep inner chill where you can feel it creep up your back and make your hairs stand on your arms and neck. A quick shiver and then the feelings of dread came. I got paranoid as if something very bad happened. I remember turning around and telling my friends I wanted to go. They were confused but saw how visibly shaken I was they brought me home. The next morning I got a call from one of my friends who was with us. I remember her tone sounding nervous as she proceeded to tell me that last night around the same time we were at the river, across the lake a car full of teenagers flipped upside down in about 6 ft of water and drowned. I was horrified but understood the feelings that bombarded me the night before. I found out later that one of the boys that drowned was my cousin’s best friend. Maybe that was the connection.

In my early 20’s I felt I needed to find some sort of understanding around the feelings and visions I was seeing. I went to a candle shop that was owned by two shamans. We got to talking and they mentioned enlightenment classes that they hosted after hours in the back of the shop. These types of sessions aren’t prominently displayed to just anyone who enters the shop. These shamans picked up right away that I was a“sensitive”.

 I signed up and would meet once a week there with others who were sensitives and looking for answers. It was an eye-opening experience to know I was not alone and I could talk freely with them about my experiences and not be judged or looked at like I was crazy. We would do different exercises, give each other readings, and learn techniques for protecting ourselves. The more involved I got, the more open I became.

I used to use a WebTV to chat away in various chat rooms as a way to give anonymous readings.  One morning, while I was online, I distinctly heard a woman’s voice in the same room simply say “Hi”. It frightened me so bad. I’ve always been more sensitive to feeling things but becoming audio was a whole nother level. I wasn’t ready to hear or see spirit.

I consulted a psychic medium to get answers of my own and what she told me was one of my spiritual guides was trying to get my attention. Turns out I was pregnant. I was also told by another medium that I was more powerful than I realized. What does one say to that? I know I still haven't reached my fullest potential and still question myself at times. I remember asking the shamans where it comes from and I was told I’d go crazy trying to figure it out, just accept it.

The last straw that made me push down my abilities was during a session with the shamans and the other sensitives. We formed a circle around a small wooden accent table. With only our fingertips at the edge and following the humming of the shamans using a tuning fork, we were able to move the table a few inches across the floor. Being so young and still learning what the power of energy can do was a lot for me to handle and I never returned to those sessions. I became afraid of this gift and for years pushed it down and rarely spoke about it.

My father, who is a devout Catholic, is a skeptic so I never really talk about it with him. He accused me of doing witchcraft during my time with the shamans so I asked him if he prayed. He said yes. Then I said he is talking to a spirit, how is it any different?. That was the end of that conversation.

When I discovered SIMS Online I became fascinated with the opportunity to meet and talk to people from around the world. I realized I can pick up on people’s energy in a virtual world, so I began doing readings there. It was anonymous and it restored my confidence in this gift. After a while, it got exhausting and drained me of energy. My hands would literally turn as cold as ice. Again,  It became too much and I stopped for a while and moved on to other things.

After a couple of years, I came to Second Life, and away from doing readings.  I still pick up random things from people I come across at concerts, events, and in my friend groups, sometimes sharing info that freaks them out and sometimes not. I still find myself doubting these abilities and questioning if it is really a gift if it’s only bits and pieces of information that validates what I envisioned or felt, but I often wonder how it is helping others.

Throughout the years I’ve gone to real haunted houses, been in a murder house, ghost tours, visited Salem, Mass,  got to be in a room alone and touch one of the 13 crystal skulls “Max”,  as well as walked the halls of Pennhurst Asylum.

 I don’t know if it's to test my abilities and continue to freak myself out, but I’m drawn to it and have experiences every time. My daughter who is now in her early 20’s also experiencing things the way I do and we do our tours together. We still have Gettysburg and Penn State Penitentiary on our bucket list.

 I’m not here to make believers out of skeptics but what I do know is energy never dies. Our departed loved ones are watching over us and at times guide us. Sometimes they even give us signs. Maybe a certain song comes on the radio around their birthday, a scent, even using butterflies or birds to show they are present in our lives. When you get a bad feeling about something or someone, always trust your first instinct. They are warning you. 

We all have this ability within us, some are just not open, afraid of it, don’t understand it, or have a lot of self-growing to do before they can really be enlightened. If you find yourself experiencing premonitions, pay attention, meditate, and learn more about it. Also remember bad intent on others is not good because karma is real. 

I’m open to giving readings in Second Life but I am not ready to reveal myself and be subjected to griefers who would want to burn me at the stake.

 Do you believe in magic? 

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