Betrayal, Love and Survival Stories- Seersha Heart Reporting...

Each one of us are human beings whether we are in our first lives or in Second life.  In Second life losing someone is no easier than losing someone in real life.  Second life is just that, part of our lives and our hearts.  Betrayal is a real part of some people’s Second life experience.  I spoke to a few residents about experiences they had in Second life with betrayal and lost relationships.  The reactions ranged from surprise to a deep cut to the bone of hurt.  I also asked each one of the people I spoke to if they had any words of advice to others in relationships.  [names are changed to protect the privacy]

            Happyguy75 aka Simon was partnered to a woman in Second life for almost three years.  They spoke on the phone every day, sometimes two or three times.  She was the first person he called with any news.  After their first year, they met for a couple days IRL and enjoyed their long weekend together.  It was another evening that seemed like any other evening when Simon logged into Second life.  Everything seemed normal when he logged in; he rezzed at the family home.  He enjoyed building and went to work on a project he had left out in their yard.  When she wasn’t going to log on she would call him or email him.  He was working on his project and as time moved forward she didn’t log on, didn’t call, didn’t contact him.  His first reaction was worry.  He was afraid something had happened to her.  He called her, no answer.  He spent a sleepless night worrying about her.  When he logged on the next day, their home had been removed.  He had several return notices of items.  He contacted the land owner who told him Shelia said they didn’t need the land any more.  He now noticed she was not on his friends list.  He panicked and tried IMing her, going to their favorite club, trying to find friends.  Simon tried to keep calm as he contacted a couple of their mutual friends.  Each one he contacted said they were sorry to hear about the break up.  Simon’s heart went to his throat as he tried to be cool and not show he was surprised.  He was homeless and standing at a furniture store just lost and thinking when he received an IM from a friend.  This friend told him she was sorry and that she thought what Shelia did was terrible.  Through a bit of back and forth Simon learned that Shelia had left him to be with a man she met only a month ago.  Simon would never again hear from Shelia, but he suspected her of some dropped calls he received irl a month later.

            There are couples who have been together since the beginning of Second life so many years ago.  Tammy and Stefano Serendipity were one of those couples.  Together since August 2006, they lived through many of the changes that have happened in Second life.  They lived on two separate continents and never met; yet it worked for them.  Well it worked for them until it didn’t work anymore.  They made plans to meet irl after ten years.  Now, they both believed they were destined to be together irl.  They have spoken about their plans, where they might live, how all of this would happen for them.  Tammy flew to their agreed upon destination to meet him.  He was not there when he promised he would be there.  She had her laptop computer and immediately logged into Second lifefrantic with what may have happened to him.  After several hours of logging in and out he logged into Second life.  He told her he was married irl.  All the planning for the future was something he really wished could happen for them.  He had even planned to meet Tammy using an excuse with his wife to be away from home.  In the end he couldn’t do it.  What hurt Tammy the most is that Stefano had met and married this woman after Stefano had met Tammy in Second life; four years after.  Tammy told me that she would have understood if he told her when he met this new wife.  She said she could have understood as they were continents apart, rl first.  Tammy told me she cried for a month and could not log into Second life.  With Stefano coming clean it tore her apart and everything she did in Second life was with him.

            Readers I was going to save this for the end, but I will tell you now the amazing news.  While asking different people for their experiences with Second life relationships and betrayal I met both Simon and Tammy.  Now Simon and Kittytam [Tammy’s new name], they were together at the Blarney Stone when I met them.  The met at the blarney stone and are now dating.  Simon said initially they began talking one night about their experiences.  It was a venting session until a friend of Simon’s came into the Blarney Stone and asked Simon in local “Simon introduce me to your new girlfriend”.  Simon said he hadn’t even considered getting another girlfriend but quickly IMed Kittytam to play along.  He told Kittytam it would be less awkward than telling his friend the truth.  In local Simon said, “She likes to be called Kitty”.  They met a few more times without mentioning that incident to talk.  Soon Simon reasoned with Kittytam that they should give it a shot.  Now they are doing just that with dating.

            Not all betrayals are between long time partners.  I spoke to men and to women who learned they were someone’s side girlfriend or boyfriend.  I spoke to some friends who felt betrayed by friends, not within a romantic relationship.  Too many stories of one person leaving the other for a best friend.  II picked two stories of the ones I listened too in the past weeks.  The first is about a woman named Aquagirl2015 aka Sugar Puss.

            Sugar Puss came into Second life for fun.  She was not going to have a long term or a committed relationship.  This freewheeling attitude gave her plenty of fun.  She would meet people from all over the world.  She made great friends.  One day she met Sophia at Second life’s notorious [the chamber] club.  They became fast friends often seeing each other at [the chamber] or one of the other upscale social sex clubs.  They shopped together, they both worked on making the most beautiful avis with mesh and bento parts.  Sugar was the single one and Sophia had a boyfriend Dragon.  Sugar said she never enjoyed being with Sophia when Dragon was around.  He was aloof toward her while in his presence Sophia would act jealous of Sugar and any other woman around.  Sugar would avoid seeing Sophia when Dragon was online.  She spoke to Sophia once but didn’t feel as if Sophia listened to her.  If she avoided “Dragon time” the friends had a great time.

            Then Dragon began coming online times where Sugar was online and Sophia wasn’t online.  At first Sugar would see his name come up when he logged in and they never spoke.  Then one day they were both at [the chamber] at the same time.  Sugar said they spoke briefly and politely.  This happened regularly after that that she would log in and he would be at one of her usual spots.  They barely spoke.  Upon reflection, Sugar tells me, she should have wondered what Dragon was doing at these spots along if he was in a relationship with her best friend.  We all know what came next even before Sugar tells me.  Sophia logs in one day when both Dragon and Sugar are at [the chamber].  Sophia starts a huge argument with Sugar, accusing her of trying to take Dragon away from her.  She and Dragon leave the club.  The accusations fly at Sugar in a steady stream for a couple days.  Sophia won’t talk to Sugar about anything else, she ignores her.  Sugar tells me the friendship ended her choice.  She said Sophia said horrible things to her and in the end Sugar didn’t feel like it could be repaired.

Sugar believes that Dragon did what he could to flame this fire between the women.  She can’t prove it, but she told me that before Sophia and she were friends Dragon flirted with her at a club.  She didn’t flirt back and never mentioned the incident to Sophia.  Nothing came of it so she let it go.  To this day she is sure he didn’t let it go at all.  Sugar confessed to seeing them at some of the same places now.  They never speak.  It bothered her a log when it first happened but now she tells me they are “strangers”.

            Unfortunately, I could write more stories with many more combinations and scenarios.  Sometimes people suck.  Period.  Yet for as many betrayal stories that I could write, I can honestly say I found many more wonderful stories.  For every betrayal, there must have been ten stories of friendships and relationships built over months and years.  As Simon put it, he had to move forward to find himself and others in Second life and has never been happier.  I asked the people in more successful friendships and relationships what tips they would give anyone in getting past a betrayal.  I narrowed the list to these:

·         Don’t blame yourself, don’t stop caring about others in Second life

·         Don’t forget the friends you may leave behind if you take a break, give them a warning

·         Come back and chase away those old feelings

·         Build your friendship support group, be a good friend, be genuine

·         Don’t use your old relationship as a crutch

·         Remember we are all people and all have feelings

There is no magic pill or secret method to avoid heartbreak in Second life any more than there is irl.  

The same betrayals that exist outside of Second lifeexist within Second life.  The more centered you are with yourself and your core group of friends, the happier it seems you will be.  I have personally experienced betrayal as I feel that many people have in Second life.  I don’t know what the future holds for me or any of us.  I log in, talk to my friends, chase down a story, flirt and sometimes have a boyfriend.  I hope whatever it is that you hope for most in your Second life relationships happens for you.  I can tell you something with certainty; if you never try, if you never move forward, you will miss out on so many things.

Seersha Heart [saoirseheart resident]