First published October 14, 2013.
With Halloween creeping up
on us, I thought I would pound the SL pixel pavement in search of a friendly
vampire that wouldn’t mind sitting down with me for an interview. Without
fearing I would be bitten and turned into a pale night walking blood junkie, I
searched high and low for this elusive fanged creature with baseball bat in
hand for protection. As I came upon Harry the Vampire, I must have startled him
while he was digging though a dumpster because he let out the most girlish
scream I have ever heard...
At first it appeared he was
out for blood until he revealed an unusual fear of it, and the dark. I’ve seen a lot of cruel and unusual behavior
in Second Life but who on Linden’s laggy grid would think of biting this kitten
of a man and leaving him to deal with such a torturous existence.
I needed to know more, so I
took my opportunity before his candle expired.
Interview with a Vampire
Lanai:
Hi Harry, thank you for allowing me this opportunity to interview you. Let me
start by apologizing for scaring the wits out of you over there. It wasn’t my
intention.
Harry: Hi Laaaa La Lanai, ttt ttthank y yy you. Nnn nnno
problem! Pppppardon mmmy st st st studder, it haaaaa haaa haaappens when I ge
ge get spooked!
Lanai:
Why were you digging through that dumpster? Did you lose something?
Harry: Nnn noo. I wa was looo…looking for something
t…t….to eat. I’m s…soo hungry and it sss..ss.seeems that avatars don’t throw
anything awa…..away. I’ve b…b..been living off of baaaaa baaaaan baaaananas and p…ppuddle
wa…water.
Lanai:
Why? Aren’t you supposed to be going around biting avatars to stay alive? I
doubt spoiled dumpster bananas and puddle water are doing any good for you.
Harry: I…I ammm aff afff..
Lanai:
take a deep breath and spit it out already… my goodness!
Harry: *breathes*……… I’m afraid. Ever since that terrible
incident I haven’t been able to see the sight of blood, not to mention drinking
it.
Lanai:
Harry, that has got to be the most absurd thing I have ever heard from a
vampire. What happened that has you so riddled with anxiety?
Harry: *breathes deeply*……..two weeks ago, I was at a
sandbox looking for a drink and I happened upon a noobie that asked me for
directions.
Lanai:
ok…
Harry: *breathes* I pointed left and as she looked, I
thought it was the perfect chance for me to sink my fangs in. Little did I know
that this noob packed a powerful backhand that lifted me 400 meters into the
sky and face planted me right onto the pavement where a crowd was closing in on
me. The next thing I know I was being beaten to a pulp by what appeared to be a
band of big breasted women. I looked up right before being stomped on the
forehead like a wasted cigarette butt and saw something I will never ever EVER
forget!
Lanai:
Wow! It sounds like you caught a royal beat down for sure, but what exactly did
you see?
Harry: *starts to cry as he relives the moment* up her
skirt…. I saw….. a pair of swinging…OMG I can’t go through with this!
Lanai:
Oh my! You mean to tell me you got beat down by a gang of drag queens?!? *busts
out in laughter*
Harry: *clears throat*…..Something like that. But since I
am a gentleman and would never return a punch to someone in a skirt….I feared
for my life! *breathes*
Lanai:
I know I shouldn’t be laughing at your ordeal but I’m sorry…. that’s hilarious,
especially since you had to find out in such an awkward way.
Harry: my eyesight hasn’t been the same since and it
caused me to have panic attacks at night. I need to keep a candle burning at
all times.
Lanai:
Oh man. That’s not a good thing for a vampire considering light can cause you
harm. How do you manage to keep from burning up with this candlelight?
Harry: I use mayonnaise, lemon juice and vinegar mixed
with sunscreen. It seems to help keep me protected.
Lanai: EWWW that’s what I smell! I thought it was because you were dumpster diving. You
poor thing… have you tried reaching out to the vampire community for help?
Harry: *sighs*…. I’ve tried but none of them want
anything to do with me because of the other thing that happened just before my
incident at the sandbox.
Lanai:
*SMH* I can’t wait to hear this story…
Harry: Before you jump to any conclusions. I don’t
normally get involved with role play. The avatar that turned me did it by
accident. I was minding my own business
at one of those gothic clubs, break-dancing and doing the windmill when I
accidentally knocked over a crowd of vampires. One of them happened to fall
fangs first right onto my neck. The next thing I know, her boyfriend had me by
the ankles and threw me out of the club! When I tried to go back in and
apologize, I got hit with ban lines and an IM from the owner saying that I
caused enough drama at the club and was no longer welcomed. Besides that, they
totally insulted my dance moves! *breaks out in tears again*
Lanai:
Awwww Henry.... what a horrible
situation but who break-dances in a gothic club anyway?
Harry: *sniffles* That’s
not the point…. I feel I was wrongfully banished before I could even understand
what a vampire is supposed to do. Now I’m left wandering around the grid trying
to figure things out on my own and it hasn’t been easy!
Lanai:
you poor unfortunate soul….
Harry: I think she took that too…
Lanai:
*shakes head* From everything that you have gone through I would imagine you
would make an alt, get rid of this bad luck avatar and start over.
Harry: where were you two weeks ago? That’s a brilliant
idea!
Lanai:
I don’t know about brilliant but that certainly is an option that most
residents know about. If I may… I’d like to offer you another piece of advice…
Harry: Sure! Anything the all knowing Lanai!
Lanai:
o.O… I don’t know about all that, but please never break-dance in a gothic club
again and if you want to make friends….never tell them about this avatar…
Harry: ok. I won’t
Lanai:
Do you have any idea how you will reinvent yourself? Do you have any skills?
Harry: I’m really good at rapping and playing the
harmonica. Would you like to hear me blow?
Lanai:
Um…wow look at the time.
Harry: Why do you say that?
Lanai
: This interview is over. I need to wrap my head around what just happened
here. This was supposed to be an interview with a vampire, not a counseling
session…
Harry: Perhaps we can meet again and go on a date? I’ll
bring a banana.
Lanai:
*blows out the candle and runs*
 |
| AAAAAHHHHHHH! |
Have a Safe and Happy Halloween from The SL Enquirer!
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