Second Life romances can
mirror real life romances in many ways. Couples can meet, fall in love, and do
many of the same activities virtually as they can in real life.
Of course not all
romances end positively and just like in real life, Second Life romances can
cause heartache and stress. In this article I will explore how to bounce back
from bad Second Life relationships and share the stories of two Second Life
avatars who recently overcame the struggles of bad relationships of their own.
I sat down to speak
first with “Tyler” who had a botched Second Life romance last year. Tyler
stated that he and his former Second Life girlfriend, “Emily,” had dated in
Second Life for two years. Both he and Emily considered themselves to be more
than just a Second Life romance. As Tyler explained, “Once you share so many
details about yourself with a person, it is hard not to take the romance into
real life”. Emily and Tyler spent most of their days together in Second
Life either clubbing or exploring. They had even ventured over to other virtual
worlds. By year number two of the relationship, both had started making plans
to take the relationship further into real life and Emily had even booked a
flight to visit Tyler.
Things started changing
at this point. According to Tyler, Emily became “vague” and was spending less
time in Second Life. When he questioned her about the change in behavior, Emily
would just attribute the change to real life and assured Tyler that they would
meet in real life and be together soon. One day Tyler logged into Second Life
and had received a notecard from Emily, that explained that she was not going
to visit him and could not, as she was married in real life. The notecard also
explained that she did care for Tyler but she could not leave her family for
him.
After hearing this
myself, I was somewhat shocked and asked Tyler how did he recover from this
deception and how did he feel about everything. Tyler said that he felt shock,
anger, and hurt. As he and Emily had made plans to go very far in real life. He
also said he felt that he had wasted two years on someone, when he could have
pursued a more honest relationship with someone else. I asked him if he was
still in contact with Emily and he said no and that was the hardest part for
him, not answering her phone calls or texts and shutting her out of his life
completely. He said it took both his real life and Second Life friends and
family to help him with his heart ache and to move on. His advice to anyone who
has experienced what he has, is to take a break from Second Life and to reach
out to friends and family in both worlds. Tyler is now in a much happier and
honest relationship with his latest love, Mandy, whom he met through mutual
friends in Second Life.
While meeting someone
via friends in Second Life, it may seem like a sure way to protect your heart.
After all, friends look out for us right?
This is not always the
case. I next sat down with “Kristy” who experienced a Second Life heartbreak
last year. Kristy met “Billy” from “Amber”, a friend of hers in Second Life.
Amber was someone Kristy had gotten to know in real life. Kristy told me that she
considered Amber to be like a sister to her and called her one, after all they
had been best friends for three years. Billy was making plans to go see
Kristy in real life and even scanned his train ticket to prove to her that he
was legitimate and not making things up. Around the holidays, Billy abruptly
canceled his plans and told Kristy that he had met someone in real life and
that they should end things. Kristy said she was surprised and shocked but
respected Billy’s decision. In Kristy’s own words, “A person should never
stop someone from finding love”. Kristy was soon shocked to see on
Amber’s real life Facebook profiles, photos of Amber and Billy together. The
photos were of the pair going out on what appeared to be dates and even kissing
in real life.
.
I once again could not
believe my ears and asked Kristy how did she cope and how did she feel. Kristy
said she instantly started crying and was shocked. She said she phoned up Amber
in real life and was told that Amber and Billy were just friends. She was later
given information that when Kristy logged off in Second Life at night, Amber
and Billy were often going to clubs and had even leased a home together. A few
days after seeing the real life Facebook photos, Amber and Billy partnered in
Second Life, but each insisted that their partnership was just as
“friends”. Kristy said she had never felt so betrayed in either real life
or Second Life. She said what made her upset the most was that neither Amber
nor Billy would admit that they had lied and that they were a couple, each
still insisted they were just friends, despite all of the evidence to the
contrary.
Kristy, like Tyler, has
also bounced back from this romantic heartbreak. She said she really found out
who her friends were throughout this time, the ones who did not support her or
sided with Amber and Billy, she instantly shut out and muted them. She said she
considered leaving Second Life for a short time but ended up staying and has
since found love with someone else. Her new boyfriend, had also been hurt in
Second Life and both of them had taken their relationship very slowly. Kristy
has not spoken to either Amber or Billy, but did say that Amber had tried
contacting her on various alts.
Both Tyler and Amber
offered advice to anyone who needs help getting over a bad Second Life romance.
Tyler stated that the person should log off immediately from Second Life.
“Staying in Second Life will just remind you of things you did with the person
and make you upset, if you are in world and your relationship is ending, log
off and do something in real life”, said Tyler.
Each also agreed that
the healing process would take time and that if you have been hurt, talk to
close Second Life friends and family. If your real friends and family know
about the Second Life relationship, then you might want to talk to them too. Both
Tyler and Amber agreed that you should not contact the other person. “Remember that this is the person who hurt
you and you probably never will get the answers that you want”, said Amber.
“I made the mistake of trying to get the truth
out of either Kristy or Billy, I knew deep down that neither would ever admit
that they were together, but I wanted some closure. I later realized that my
closure was finding the photos of them together in real life and getting the
information about both of them in Second Life”, she continued.
Lastly, both stated that
eventually you will have to move on and focusing on someone who no longer cares
about you is just wasting time. “I
realized I had to move on and not let this setback get me down, the old saying
that there are plenty of guys in the sea is 100% true”,said Amber.
0 comments:
Post a Comment
Comments will be reviewed and posted within 24 hours. Please note any abusive content or outside promotional links may not be approved.