I’ve done it, you’ve
most likely done it, and honestly I really don’t know of too many who haven’t
done it. What is ‘it’ you might be wondering?
Dating is ‘it’!
You roam the grid and
you see it happening all the time, partnerships, engagements, and even people
that have found love beyond the pixel, but all these things began the same way,
dating. I wanted to know about others’ experiences, what they look for, and any
advice that they may be able to provide. What other way to do this than asking
avatars?
I began my journey to
answer these questions by simply asking them. I came up with basic questions for
friends, family, and even strangers to make things more even. I wanted unbiased
answers, things that may not have been told to me by friends and family.
What I asked were the
following:
1.Before agreeing to a
date, what is something that special person must have in attributes?
2. What are things you
value in another person?
3. What is your ideal
date, what would make the date perfect?
4. What's a deal
breaker, something that would cause you to not want a second date or even see
that person again?
5. Do you use your
past experiences to judge during a date?
6. What's something
you've found common place with those you date?
7. What would you say
is your overall experience in dating here in SL?
8. Do you
use Second Life to springboard into dating irl?
9. If you do use SL to
find someone in real life, what are the qualities of the person they must have
irl?
10. If you don't use
SL to find someone in real life, what are you reasons to keeping it strictly
SL?
These questions got
answered in a similar way from all the people I talked to, they all value
honesty and conversation. Deal breakers ranged from rudeness to talking about
their exes and conquests, but at the end I learned that the Second Life we all
have and our first isn’t that far apart. With spring and love in the
air, a word of caution I could give would be that not everyone in
Second Life wanted things to go beyond the virtual world.
Ideal dates are filled
with conversation, good spirits, and an overall enjoyment of the other person.
Those wants including being with that other person for more, do lead to second
dates and relationships. Uniquely, like ‘real life’ Second Life does have huds
and some even go as far as having virtual sex and even having prim babies. It
is an interesting aspect when Second Life contains these things because it can
cause potential drama. Of those interviewed many openly admitted they take
these experiences as lessons that help mold them into who they become.
To stop learning about
themselves stunts their growths, which is understandable, but sadly some use
these experience cause heartache and hard feelings and leads to pre-judging
those they come in contact with. This can stunt other experiences and growth
and result in horrible times and relationships for them.
Words of caution comes
from those that answered how they wished that things remained in Second Life. I told all those I spoke to that they could
remain anonymous. I felt that made them more comfortable answering my questions.
Many in Second Life
have serious relationships or families beyond Second Life and wanted me to
point out how stressful it can be when they find someone that pushes real life
relationships when they simple can’t go beyond Second Life.
Though they feel and care about their real
relationship, it doesn’t mean that those they date in their Second Life won’t
be cared about. It seems to be a big misconception.
.
The common thoughts on
this are they’re one in the same, but for many it’s a complex structure of
themselves and extensions of themselves. You’d be surprised, like I was about how
many have their real life families in Second Life with them, some with their
own families, experiencing their own things, and in some cases even Second Life
family members in one way or another.
I cannot leave out
those that do date in Second Life and it becomes a beautiful first life
experience for them. I find it personally beautiful when you can find that
connection, but on the same note I can’t help but remember articles about
Second Life love becoming first life love and it going sour.
Those links are about
the same couple that met in Second Life, married, and eventually divorced
because of it, even the evolution beyond the divorce that developed. I did find
another link that was interesting, an article covered on the types of people
found in Second Life.
I leave you on the notes
of these links for you your own casual reading; I enjoyed the research of this
article and the journey of meeting people that were willing to talk to me candidly
about themselves and dating, the pros and the cons of it all, and I discovered
Second Life is a lot like first in the ways of dating and its dangers, as I
already had thought from my own experiences of dating in Second Life.
A personal word of
advice is simple be careful. Not everyone is what or whom they say they are and
it can end up very painful for you if you’re not on guard. Second Life can be a
beautiful environment for socializing, but it has a dark side of cruelty and
hurtfulness as well. Take the steps you
need to protect yourself.
Other resources:
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First dates can be nerve-racking and daunting. The desire to make the best impression can make getting through first dates a little difficult.. my blog
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