The SL Enquirer

Free At Last! Thank God Almighty!

Stacey in her new outfit. It was torn off her 10 minutes later.

Stacey is paroled from Pandora's Box Prison...

Your favorite feisty little sportswriter is nothing if not fearless. Not a lot of people would allow themselves to serve a week of their time at Pandora's Box Prison, but Stacey Cardalines is not a lot of people. She's actually just one person.

Here's how Pandora's works... You show up at the gates, and the guards process you. You admit your crime, and they set your time. I got a week, due to my status as a Weapon Of Mass Seduction. Into the gaol, into the House Of Pain, go I.

You are then stripped nude, cuffed, and searched. They are very interested in stopping people from bringing drugs into the prison. I was later taken for a medical exam by someone who was not a doctor, but this is a G rated paper and there's no-need-to-go-there.

Prison life is like how my husband described war to me... a month of boredom plus an hour of terror. Mostly, I'd just sit around with the other prisoners. I made some fine friends in jail, as you really bind with a girl if you kneel naked with her for 6 days.

One of the benefits of being nude 24/7 is that you have time to alter your nude appearance. I must have re-did my ass 40 times, and was actually working on my arms and feet by the time I was paroled. Whoever I f*ck next will be getting 100% Grade A Sportswriter.

I also fought a lot. I was by far the smallest girl in the prison, and the only "celebrity." I'm not really a celebrity, but it makes better RP if they act like Katie Couric's in the joint with them. I was beaten up several times for gabbing too much, which I'm sure happens in real Jail as well. I also got beaten up when- after my 5th day- I was given a uniform. It lasted an hour.

The guards were worse. About once a day, one of these sadists would fixate on you, and your next hour was going to be some BDSM stuff that they wouldn't dare try in even the nastiest RL women's prison movie. You also have to address them as Miss (Fill In Name) or Mistress.If you just go "hey Julie," like I did... well, you'd be amazed what sort of small spaces you can mash a sportswriter into if you're serious enough regarding Discipline.

I ended up with great (and sincere) admiration for the guards. They don't get paid, and yet they never miss a day. They work in shifts, and are constantly active. I knew two of the guards from other sims I've covered, and they put it to me like I was a stripper and they were the Duke Lacrosse team. Never miss a chance to torment a friend, especially if she's already handcuffed.

I spent my last night in the Snoopy-doghouse-sized cell I'd come to call home that week. I woke up, said my goodbyes, and got paroled before any of the more cruel guards showed up for their shifts.

If you sit nude for a week in one room like I did... the first thing you want is a bath, then a dress, then wide open spaces. Pandora's was excellent- busy, well built, well staffed, and fullof energy- but they put bars on the windows for a reason, kids.