SPORTS & LEISURE- Ain't No Sunshine... Stacey Cardalines Reporting...

An encounter group session at Pandora's Box Prison

Stacey does some time...

A conversation between Stacey and her sister, Manda Aries:

Stacey: Hi, Sis!

Manda: Huggggg

S: Are you coming over for Thanksgiving?

M: I can't. I'm in jail.

S: JAIL!?!?!

M: Some things from my past caught up to me.

S: JAIL!?!?!?

M: They're coming after you, too... I used your name and personal information to conduct some questionable business matters.

S: I'm going to stuff you with dynamite, you little...

(transcription stops here, as the tape merely presents the sound of a door kicking in, a great struggle, some French curse words, what sounded like a woman reading an arrest warrant, some sort of explosion, a noise which a marine biologist later identified as the shriek of a moray eel, and finally a Taser going off 70 times in a row)

Later that day, Stacey arrived at Pandora's Box Prison, a co-ed correctional facility specializing in harsh discipline. Another hostile exchange process went down as she was "checked in."

Extra prison staff were kept on in anticipation of the meeting between Stacey and her sister- who, like Stacey, is prone to violence. The girls will spend Thanksgiving together this Thursday.

Pandora's box has several unusual facets. No one who has done time at Pandora's will ever complain about US airport security searches being overbearing. The drug testing Stacey underwent involved cunnilingus, for instance. Again, there was a terrific melee as Stacey was strapped into the prison drug testing apparatus.

Stacey has a lovely cell, which is the size and style of what the interior of Snoopy's doghouse must look like, except that it is made of stone. It is adorned with a painting of a lesbian wedding, and the guards made a "honeymoon suite" joke as they threw Stacey's body (there was another scene/fight when Stacey saw her cell) into it.

The "guards" are all Mistresses who look sort of like what it would look like if the East German Stasi recruited out of a SM catalog. It does help pass the time, being led to and fro by someone who looks like Lindsay Lohan. Many of the prisoners re-offend so as to get back with them.

Stacey has survived her first day, and- after spending Thanksgiving with her bad-seed kid sister, will be back after SL's vacation to fill you in how things go down in the House Of Pain.

If you can get arrested and convicted fast enough, maybe you can spend some hard time in jail with Stacey!